


Bedroom Mishaps

by Solid_Cat



Category: Persona 5
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), AU where gay Japanese marriage is legal, Aged-Up Character(s), Akiren's mental spaghetti, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Camping trip extravaganza, Competitive sex, Crack Treated Seriously, Explicit Sexual Content, F in the chat for subtlety, FANFICTION-CEPTION, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Goro Akechi gets his pride damaged repeatedly, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Haru knows things she shouldnt, Horny doesn't stop for the weather, Inappropriate Humor, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Outdoor Sex, Pizza with the homies, Post-Canon, Post-Persona 5: The Royal, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Shower Sex, Slice of Life, So Does Joker, Spoilers, The homies are supportive, This fic is kinda cringe ngl, Trips to the bone zone, be warned, dawg, haru is a good friend, nice, no beta we will die and be buried, oof, pineapple on pizza, sex in the rain, sex injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:54:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25561651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solid_Cat/pseuds/Solid_Cat
Summary: A variety of short stories featuring the dirty deed itself gone wrong on a multitude of occasions for Akechi and Akira.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 44
Kudos: 168





	1. We Didn't Start the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I like sex gone wrong stories on Reddit, so I'm basically writing this ten chapter epic on what I've read. Letsssssss go!

“Being a model means you end up having to advertise all these strange products, even if you yourself don’t even use them, just because you have a pretty face.” Ann deadpanned. “And I have the prettiest face in all of Tokyo.”

Post shoot, Ann was in her dressing room with Akira. The two were there stuffing their faces with a gratuitous amount of unhealthily savory big brownies alongside a large assortment of sweet treats that were guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of many dentists.

“Damn straight.” Akira commended, shoving a brownie into his mouth like he was indeed raised by wolves or something.

“I’m a lesbian, Akira. Nothing’s straight with me.”

“And I one hundred percent support you on your endeavor.”

“What endeavor? To respect wamen? I sure hope you do.” 

Akira just chuckled, then he started choking on his brownie. “Oh God!” He gasped, coughing as if it really was the end of his one and only very life. 

Ann immediately rushed to his aid, patting him on the back. Akira heaved, managing to catch his breath. 

“Be careful, Akira!”

“It’s fine. I’ve choked on other stuff before if you catch my drift. I’m used to it.” 

Ann rolled her eyes at Akira’s lewd joke. “Hilarious.”

“I know.” He wiped a tear out of his eye. “So, what product did you sponsor for today’s shoot?”

“This.” Ann walked over to her vanity, and opened the drawer, pulling out a bottle of something. Akira eyed it suspiciously. Then his eyes went wide upon realizing exactly what the product in his friend’s hands was.

“Sexual lubricant?”

“I know. It’s supposed to be this all natural concoction for vegans and vegetarians or something. And they give me this for free. I don’t really trust this brand though. Something about it is off.”

“Give it to me!” Akira begged, amused, a starry glimmer in the man’s eyes. 

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Of course! I want to experience vegan sex!” Akira beamed at her, exclaiming.

“Oh boy, Akira. Here.” She handed it to him. “Don’t be too wild.” She said coyly, with a smug look on her face. 

“Oh, of course not, Ma’am!” Akira saluted her.

* * *

Akira shoved Akechi onto bed with a dominating gaze, the latter laughing as he fell onto the soft cushions and comforter. 

“Laughter’s cute on you, Goro, but there will be other sounds coming out of your mouth later tonight.” The wildcard spoke seductively, pinning the detective down by his wrists, straddling him.

“Oh my, Akira!” Goro gasped, blushing intensely.

Then Akira’s lips were on his. Akechi’s hands were on Akira’s shoulders, grasping oh so desperately. As they broke off from each other, they gazed into each other’s eyes longingly. Lovingly. Knowingly. Yep. That way. 

“Strip.” Akira commanded domineering. 

Akechi sat up, smirking at his lover. Slowly taking off his shirt, making a scene, then uncaringly throwing it across the room. Akira rolled his eyes before he was tugging Akechi’s pants off. Then his underwear. Then, Akira was fingering his butthole with some lubricant he smothered all over his fingers. Very sexy. Before long, Akechi was a blushing mess.

“You’re taking your sweet time. Hurry up and get in me, Sweetie.” Akechi demanded playfully. 

Akira threw off his shirt, then his pants. Then his underwear. Then-

“We’re out of lube, Honey.” Akira eyed the empty bottle.

“Because you always use a gratuitous amount. More than what’s necessary. And-“

Wow, way to kill the mood.

“Don’t criticize me. That’s one of my turn offs. And don’t fret!” Akira scrambled over to his bag, remembering the events of earlier.

“Ta-dah!” He held the bottle of vegan lubricant up like in Zelda.

Akechi just sat there quietly in his birthday suit, staring. Unamused. Unimpressed. 

“Great. Now hurry up and get inside me.”

“Well, when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound sexy at all.” Akira poured before he smothered a reasonable amount onto his peen.

Lining himself up at Akechi’s entrance, he went in for it. Akechi, held tight onto Akira’s shoulders.

“Oh yeah.” He sighed.

“Like it, huh? That’s vegan lubricant. Animal friendly sex.” A sharp thrust.

“Oh! Shut up and do your job.”

“My job? What are you paying me?”

“Be quiet Akira! You’re-” Another thrust, this one deliberate. “Oh yes! Keep going like that.”

Akira planned to continue on like that, slow and steady, loving and gentle. 

But, DAMN! There was a burning sensation on his dick. But not like the “Oh yeah Baby! I am going to finish!” sort of burn but the kind of burn a fire ant gives you inside the volcano Flamin' Hot Cheetos® anus of Satan himself. Painful. Uncomfortable. Can’t be ignored. Terrible terrible burn! And it built up slowly, like traversing the circles of hell where shit gets worse and worse. Oh god! Oh fuck! Oh no!

“Hey get out! That burns! Ahh!” Akechi cried out, pushing Akira out of him.

Akira jolted back, unable to ignore the burning horrid rash he felt on his man meat. Gazing down at his johnson, Akira was horrified to witness it was bright red like a fire truck. Covered in a BRUTAL rash. Oh fuck! It hurt like hell and then some. It hurt more than childbirth. 

“Oh my god! The inside of my butt is burning!” Akechi screamed.

Akira might’ve laughed if the predicament on his mini me wasn’t so incredibly excruciatingly bad. Akira might’ve laughed hard before tending to his boyfriend.

Akechi leapt off the bed, running towards the bathroom like a crazed dog. Akira followed suit. And the two men spent the evening spraying themselves with cold water and icing themselves.

* * *

“Methanol? What the ever living fuck?!” Akechi screamed at Akira, reading the ingredients of the so called vegan sex lube. “You willingly put this onto your penis and then inside me? You’re actually a dumbass! You fucking-“

“Hey calm down! I didn’t know!” 

“Calm down? How the hell do you expect me to calm down when you burned the inside of my anus! Why didn’t you read the ingredients first before you willingly smeared this shit all over your genitals?! Where the hell did you even get this crap?”

“Ann gave it to me. She was promoting in a modeling gig. She didn’t know either. I-“

“Why are you always with Ann?”

“She’s my emotional support lesbian! Leave me alone!”

“God, you are so infuriating! I just can’t even-“ Akechi grumbled, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.

Akira’s dick still hurt a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They both go to the doctor at the end.


	2. At the Mountains of Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this one is more awkward than funny, but here it is.

Akechi was making love to his boyfriend, hella exhausted from hours of no sleep, but still doing that thing that rural high school teachers refuse to teach you about under any circumstance.

“Oh yeah! Yeah!” Akira cried out as Akechi hit that one spot inside him with the power of boners. Yes, that spot. You know the one.

“Yes?” Akechi gasps out, sounding completely devoid of energy. It’s like every deliberate thrust was a bar gone on his battery. A battery that was about to die. He looked down at Akira with his lips parted.

“Yes! Goro! Yes.” Akira proclaimed, squeezing Akechi’s hand, interlocking their fingers with the tightness of a butt. But what? 

“Yes.” Akechi suddenly fell flat onto Akira’s chest, collapsed from pure and utter sleep deprivation.

“Akechi?” Akira looked over at his sleeping boyfriend, completely confused at that current moment. “Akechi?”

Akira sat up, Akechi slid down onto his lap, slipping out of him. 

“Uh...okay.” Akira rolled Akechi over so he was resting on his back. Akira leaned over and pressed a chaste little kiss onto the man’s forehead before he eloquently tucked him in.

* * *

Later that night, Ryuji came over to chill with his favorite homie, Akira. The two bros were drunk, watching the movie _Clueless_ on the couch.

“Y’know bro. You and me are like Cher and Dionne.”

“Bro.” Akira got really excited.

“Broooo.”

Akira giggled in an embarrassingly drunk way, but there is no shame in giggling for the homies. And if you think there is, you're pathetic.

“I’m so tired, Bro.” Ryuji whined. 

“Then, go to sleep, Bro.”

“But then I gotta go home and our party will end!”

“What if we have a slumber party, Bro!” Akira exclaimed in unadulterated excitement, his shoulders lifting up like hot air balloons while Dionne tried to survive the driving on the dangerous freeway with both Cher and Murray in the car.

“Oh my gosh! Bro that is the smartest thing you have ever said!”

“Bro!”

“But where will I sleep Bro?!”

“Oh! You can sleep on my bed! We can share it!”

“Oh right! That makes sense.”

* * *

Later that night, Akira and Ryuji were so incredibly drunk, as they walked into the bedroom.

“Okay, Goro’s here too, Bro. But he’s really tired so just let him sleep.”

“That’s fine, Bro. I’m really tired too.” And Ryuji just walked to the left of Akechi and collapsed next to him on the bed. Akira fell asleep on the right.

* * *

There was a funny taste of Akechi’s mouth. The kind of taste you get when you just wake up. He licked his lips, turning onto his side, facing the left. The bed felt more cramped than usual. How odd. Gently opening his eyes, Akechi is greeted by the sight of Ryuji, passed out drunk.

Akechi’s world spun as he shouted out loud with a force that practically sent himself flying off the bed.

Akira and Ryuji both sprung awake like frogs, both looking super confused. Then, Ryuji looked down right terrified.

“You’re naked!”

“I’m naked!” 

Akira tossed Akechi a pillow, the latter catching it with lightning reflexes.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Akechi screamed, covering his dick with the pillow.

“I don’t know we were hanging out.” Ryuji screamed back, defensively.

“We were getting drunk and we decided to have a slumber party and to share the bed. And we were so drunk we didn’t think about you in it.” Akira admits, sheepishly.

“You didn’t think-“ Akechi paused to clutch at his forehead. “Oh my God Akira! You’re an absolute idiot!” 

“Hey don’t talk to him like that! Why the eff were you naked?!” Ryuji yelled

“You’re seriously going to ask me why I was naked in my own goddamn bed?” Akechi’s voice lowered, spoken in a calmly intimidating manner. Very sexy. “That’s none of your business why.”

“Right then-“ Akira rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry Akechi. I was really drunk and I wasn’t exactly thinking. I promise this will never happen again. And Ryuji, I’m sorry too. I’ll go make breakfast. We’re having omelettes today. Yep, I love me some omelettes.” He gets up and leaves the room, leaving the two men alone together. Ryuji in the bed, and Akechi standing up with nothing but a poor pillow to shield his bare pecker from the world. 

What a way to start your morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira tries to be mature at the end but he's dying on the inside.


	3. The Yellow Wallpaper

“Mogana! Mogana!” Akira cooed as he held the purring black cat up against his heart, massaging little circles near the base of Morgana’s tail. Morgana happily nuzzled up his sweet little head against Akira’s chin. The whole display was sickeningly sweet, especially to people like-

“Ahem.” Someone rudely cleared his throat.

“What?” The former thief swung his head in the direction of the Akechi, bewilderment present on his face.

“Yeah? What?” Morgana chimed in, annoyed that Akira had ceased petting him so lovingly in favor of focusing his attention on his boyfriend.

“Oh nothing. I’m just concerned that you’ll have a gratuitous amount of cat hair all over your clothes and the bed once you’re finished with your little display here.” Akechi complained, crossing his arms in a sassy cool manner.

“It’s fine. That’s what the lint roller is for, Honey.” Akira replied, smiling abashedly.

“Yeah, it’s really none of your concern, Akechi.” Morgana leaps out of Akira’s embrace, off the bed with the grace of an acrobat. 

Landing adjacent to Akechi, the cat glares the man up straight on, no hint of fear in his cat face. How macho.

“Well, it is my concern when I’m the one in charge of laundry, Morgana.” Akechi answered, smiling down at the monster cat passive aggressively.

“Speaking of chores, did you finish the dishes? You are supposed to be the responsible one around here after all.” The cat negs. Negs? Negs!

Akechi sighs. “Yes, Morgana.”

“You made sure to scrub and rinse thoroughly. No soap scubs left?” 

“I don’t see why you’re concerned. You don’t exactly eat off the plates.” 

“Guys.” Akira interjected, stopping the argument in its infancy. “The dishes are done. There’s no need to worry.” 

“Fine. Fine.” Morgana shook his small little cat head. “I’m going out for a walk then. Make sure to leave the window open for me when I come back.”

“Are you sure? It looks like it’s gonna rain.” Akira commented, concerned.

“No, it’s quite alright. Akechi always does complain about wanting more privacy with you. Consider it a favor, but please leave the window near your bed open for me!”

“Thank you.” Akechi said, sardonically as the small black cat strutted away, out of the room. Akechi fought the urge to kick the creature across the room.

“Come here, Honey!” Akira held his arms out, beckoning Akechi into his embrace.

The man just sighed in defeat, falling gracefully into his lover’s warm arms.

“That cat is going to be the death of me. Is it a pet or a mother-in-law?” Akechi complained.

“Morgana is a friend.” Akira answered, before pressing a chaste little kiss onto Akechi’s forehead.

“More like an annoying roommate who pays no rent.”

“You know Morgana can’t work.” 

“Oh, he could. We could dress him in outfits and post pictures of him to the internet. If we got popular enough, we could bank off of him like a celebrity.”

“Mona would hate that though.” 

“Well, I hate how rude he is to me. Damned creature. Thing has no fear.”

“Oh, and you should be feared?” Akira grinned as if trying to hold in laughter.

“You do remember I was a hitman for my father?”

“You’re not that person anymore. Here, I was thinking domesticity had softened you. I mean, we’re two boyfriends and our cat. What’s more domestic?”

“Mmm. A husband and wife and their two kids.” Akechi replies, pressing a kiss to Akira’s collarbone. “I haven’t gone soft, I’ll have you know that, Sweetheart.”

“Sure, yet you have that endearing nickname. And what’s up with that heteronormativity?”

“That’s the first thing most people imagine when they think of domesticity, I’m sure, Akira. And I’ll have you know, I use that nickname ironically.” How tough.

“Your ironic Sweetheart? You date me ironically?”

“Of course. Why else would I keep you around?” Akechi pressed another kid onto Akira’s neck. Less subdued than the last one.

“Oh, hey there!” Akira gasped, feeling tickled and slowly becoming aroused. “Uhh, you keep me around because I’m a good fuck.”

“The last two times we fucked, it ended poorly, remember?” Akechi spoke before he resumed his work on Akira’s neck, deliberately sucking to leave a mark.

“Goro! God!” Akira exclaimed.

“But in truth, I kept you around because you’re going at sucking dick.” Akechi teased, gently kissing Akira’s bruising skin.

“Really?”

“Oh yes, really. I was pretty surprised myself.”

“Want me to demonstrate?”

* * *

A little droplet of water hit Morgana directly on his cute little cat nose. The feline looked up at the sky, painted various dark grays with those dark ominous looking clouds. Then another droplet. Then two more. Then, rain was falling down onto the earth, hard and fast.

Morgana took off sprinting, as quickly as his four cute little cat paws could take him. He needed to get back home as soon as possible, otherwise he’d end up soaked to his very cat bones! How uncomfortable that would be!

Oh god! Oh fuck! Oh no.

Morgana hated getting wet down to his very itty bitty core. He probably hated getting wet more than he loved Lady Ann or sushi. He was just dreading it. He could envision it too. Oh, how cold and uncomfortable he’d feel if he were to become drenched. Everything. All his fur. Just ugh! Just no! And Akechi would yell at him for getting the house wet, and not allow him to come in until some towels were laid out across the floor. Akira would have to bathe him in the tub with lukewarm water, and Morgana HATES that. Then, Akechi wouldn’t let him live it down for a month at the very LEAST! Morgana needed to get home right NOW! 

He was already getting wet at the surface hairs of his fluffy cat fur. 

Morgana ran like the wind, silently praying that Akira left the window open like he had asked. He had to! He just had to! It was an easy way in, and if it was closed! If the window was closed! Oh no!

The window was closed! 

Morgana wailed as he collided head first into the glass. Ouch! 

Morgana scrambled to stand on his own four paws, feeling and hating the very weight of the water on his back! So cold! So icky! He clawed at the window, not caring at the inevitable ear full Akechi would give him later, no doubt. 

“Let me in! Let me in! Let me in!“ the cat cried out repeatedly. Hoping! Praying! Oh no! He was getting all wet! Oh no!

He could just make out Akechi on the bed with Akira’s head in his lap. Akechi seemed to have a hand fisted in Akira’s hair. He off the bed, likely on his knees for some reason. That didn’t matter now.

“Come on guys! Let me in! Please!” Morgana screamed, banging his cute little cat head against the window glass.

Akechi’s head swung back towards him.

* * *

“Mmm, what’s wrong Honey?” Akira asked, slipping his mouth off Akechi’s cock with a pop.

“I feel like someone’s watching us.” 

“Just relax. You’ve been working so tirelessly lately.” Akira licked a strip up Akechi’s erect shaft.

“Yeah,” Akechi breathed, turned back towards Akira. “Keep doing that.” 

Akira grinned, smugly, before going back at it. Taking the tip into his mouth, Akira’s hands stroked at the shaft. Akechi held his head steady, firm. He hoped Akira wouldn’t notice all his quivering. How vulnerable he truly was. Their eyes locked and it was like-

A BANG! Against the window.

Akira popped off Akechi again. “What’s out there? Wait, you don’t think?” 

Akechi squinted, looking out the window. There he was met face to face with Morgana frantically scratching at the glass with a look of pure ungodly agony on his face. He was SOAKED to the very bone! Akechi would’ve burst out laughing his ass off but his dick was out and in Akira’s hands. And he ended up falling off the bed out of terror in fact that Morgana could’ve seen his penis! 

* * *

“I swear I did not see your penis. I don’t ever want to see your penis! Gosh! You two are unbelievable.” Morgana complains. Akechi glares at him, that little cat head poking out from the the water, the rest of his stupid feline body submerged in the water in the tub.

“Takes one to know one, Hairball!” Akechi insulted, pouring a bucket of cold water onto the stupid, annoying, monster cat’s dumb head.

“Burr!” Morgana breathed, shivering like hell was frozen and Satan was stuck in ice up to his nips. Makes for a wonderful popsicle.

Akira reached over for the shower head and began hosing Morgana down.

“You were way overdue for a bath anyways.” He said.

“I lick myself clean just fine.” The cat protested.

“I’ll give you a treat after we’re done. I know how much you hate getting wet.”

“You are not going to treat him.” Akechi complained.

“I deserve it. How would you like it if you were covered head to toe in fur and then you got all wet?!” Morgana whined. “Doesn't sound very comfortable, does it?”

Akechi just rolled his eyes.

A few years ago, he would never have tolerated a sassy cat son and a dumbass but well meaning boyfriend who drunkenly let a friend sleep next to his naked body and penetrated him with a penis covered in a methanol lubricant.

Akira was right. Domesticity truly had made him soft. How could he ever recover?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit more soft.


	4. Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter.

Akechi shoved Akira into the men’s room, into one of the stalls, not caring to lock the door behind him. Akira nearly lost his balance, but Akechi grabbed the man by the shirt, pulling him up into a searing kiss. Akira barely had any time to react, gasping as Akechi invaded his mouth like the Europeans conquering the American continents. Wild, and with little regard.

Pulling away, Akechi’s mouth leapt to Akira’s neck, pressing intensely passionate kisses and bites onto the former thief’s nape. Like MWAH! The GRRR! Holy cow. 

“Oh my god!” Akira laughed a little. “And you say I have no restraint. People are going to notice.”

“Since when have you cared about the opinions of others, my dear little phantom thief.” Akechi teased kissing under Akira’s jaw.

“I’m not little! I’m big in where it counts.”

“Oh, right. As you like to remind me.” Akechi dropped to his knees gracefully, pulling down Akira’s pants. “You will allow me to refresh my memory, will you?” He asked, looking up slyly.

Akira looks down at his partner, smiling ear to ear, face colored red like a bright red fire truck. He could not believe himself at the moment.

“Goro, you absolute fuck face.” He says.

“Well, you’re not wrong. You are about to fuck my face, since I am a very generous man.” And then Akechi nuzzled with his nose the bulge in between Akira’s legs almost innocently.

“Gah! Goro.” Akira gasped!

“Do keep quiet. We are in public after all.” Akechi taunted, moving just his hands to gently roll down the fabric of Akira’s boxers.

“You’re being awfully, nonchalant about this whole thing.”

“Well-“

The stall door swung open!

“Oh my!” Yusuke stood in the door, a hand by his agape mouth.

Akechi fell back on his ass, stunned, and unable to say a single word. Akira quickly scrambled to pull up his pants.

“Yusuke I-“ he began

“No! Do not move. The emotions of this entire scene are wholly unreal!” The artist exclaimed, throwing the back of his hand against his forehead. “Two men, so desperate for one another that they disregard common etiquette and decide to satisfy each other in public, only to be completely stunned when they are caught in the act! How daring! I must capture this moment on paper!”

“Yusuke!” Akira scolds like he's telling off a child.

“Wait here! I will return with a pencil and my sketch book!” Yusuke proclaimed before he took off running in the opposite direction, out of the bathroom.

* * *

Akira and Akechi exited the bathroom together, the latter sulking as he clung onto the arm of the former. They walked together in the restaurant, hoping to return to their table without a scene.

They bump into Yusuke! Oh boy.

“Why have you two left! I asked you to stay behind for the sake of art.”

“You fucking pervert.” Akechi murmured.

“Yusuke, sorry, but I’m not gonna model for that.” Akira said.

“Very well, but that is your loss.” The artist crosses his arms.

They all return to the table, where Ann, Ryuji, and Morgana are waiting, all with faces filled with cringe. Yes cringe. We’re getting there.

“You two are disgusting. No self control whatsoever!” Mona speaks first, no fear. Absolute mad lad.

“Oh you’re going to lecture me now? You passive aggressive lunatic of a cat!”

“Oh boy.” Ann muttered, a hand over her forehead.

“You’re one to talk! You’re depraved! Completely depraved! Dragging Akira around like that! I can’t stand it!”

“I don’t drag him around!”

“Yes you do! You’re always treating him poorly. You just expect me to stand by and watch? I’m letting you have a piece of my mind!” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you vile croak! You always act like you know better than me and him, and then you go and do stuff like-...like this!”

“You think you know better than me? You can’t do anything because you have no hands. Just paws! And all you do is complain about how things are never done probably while you make a mess and contribute nothing!”

Local man argues with cat. Of course the wait staff and nearby customers had their eyes on the scene. It was like a car crash. None could ignore it. Stronger than the pull of gravity. Ryuji couldn’t stand it, and he burst out laughing at the scene. 

“Shut up Ryuji!” Both Akechi and Morgana screamed in tandem, united in their shared annoyance for the loud mouthed man. So of course, Ryuji laughed even harder, unable to control himself. Ann just glared, wondering if this was truly what his life had come to. Ryuji laughed so hard, he felt he might stop breathing.

And Yusuke, of course Yusuke was already sketching the moment out on his sketch pad, with the determination of a go-getter. Art goals!

Akira peaked at the drawing, amazed it was coming along so quickly and nicely, but this was Yusuke, so he wasn’t really surprised. 

Exhausted, Akira just laid his head down on the table. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They couldn't even start in this one.  
> Will Akira and Akechi ever finish the smex? Find out next time on the Next Episode Of This Awkward Fanfic!!!


	5. Speak of the Devil and He Doth Appear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have sex, but Akechi gets blue balled in the worst possible way. ●︵•

It’s a nice day today in Tokyo, and Makoto and Akira are in the Sanrio store, just casually browsing. The poor man’s shopping.

Akira eyed up a wallet knitted with patterns of Hello Kitty, fascinated by its pattern. Eagerly, he showed it off to Makoto.

“Looks pretty cute, right?”

“Akira, that wallet costs 23,000 yen.” Makoto deadpanned.

“You didn’t answer the question!”

And the short haired girl just sighed. “Yes, it is very cute. Very overpriced as well.”

“And we’re just browsing. I think all the stuff in the store is pretty neat.”

“Yeah well-“ Makoto paused her speech, noticing something in the store out of the corner of her eye. “Oh my gosh! That’s so adorable.” She rushed over to a display of Japan Limited Almond Hello Kitty cookies. Akira followed her, perplexed.

“Sis and I used to really like Hello Kitty when we were younger and we tried to make our own cookies like this back when. These look so much better though.” Makoto exclaimed, magic in her voice like the kind in a young girl’s heart. Do you believe?

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. I should probably buy her a box to make her feel better.”

“Feel better?” Akira questioned. Sae was ill? This was news to him.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you! She threw out her back the other day. I had to take her to the doctor and everything. She’s been getting better though. Honestly, the worst thing for her is that she’s upset she can’t go back to work yet.” 

Akira felt a pang of pity for the elder Niijima sister. He imagined throwing his own back out and YIKES. Ouch. Yeah, better to not imagine. It probably hurt like a bitch.

“Let me buy those cookies for you.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t.”

“Consider it a get well present for Sae.”

* * *

Akechi was sitting on the couch, watching Featherman with Morgana on his lap when Akira came back home. 

“I’m home.” He announced. No reply. That was weird. They should’ve greeted him kindly with lunch at least. He was somewhat craving hot dogs today. He always had fun bending the sausages weird. That’s pretty childish.

Akira turned his head, noticing Akechi and Morgana’s eyes intently glued to the Tv screen. An evil thought crossed the former thief’s mind. He reached for the remote while his two housemates were distracted and immediately switched the Tv off. Mad lad.

“HEY!” The two explode at him with the ferocity of the goddess Pele, absolutely erupting. Holy Cow!

“Why did you do that?!” Akechi screams!

“We were watching that! You big stinky jerk!” Morgana whines!

And Akira just laughs to himself like a huge idiot, while Akechi and Morgana both glare at him. If looks could kill, Akira would’ve been reduced to atoms. How cruel.

* * *

That night, Akira walked into the bedroom, unsuspecting as the familiar and calming hum of the night cicadas filled the room. He was just about to crash onto the bed when he was suddenly pounced on. Tackled. Unexpecting fool.

It was Akechi. Bastard man. 

“Hey there, Tiger. Hit the jackpot?” Akira asked, looking up at Akechi in a confused manner. There was an intense look on his face. You know the one.

“You interrupted Featherman.”

“That was hours ago.”

“It was my favorite episode when I was a kid and I missed the best part because of you.”

“Haha.” Akira laughs like an asshole. “Sorry that was mean. That’s how I cope.”

“Cope with what? Your dickheadery?”

“That’s not a word. And no. Not with that. I just stuff my face with those Big Bang burgers if I wanna cope with-“

“Shut up!” Akechi barked. “You did something cruel, so I’m going to punish you.”

Akira suddenly felt tickled in a weirdly horny way. “Ohh! Hah, looking for an excuse to dominate me. That’s a pretty weak one.”

“Oh hush you. It’s been too long since we’ve had fun and finished.” Akechi leans down and kisses Akira on the lips. “I want you to ride me.”

“Oh, okay. I can do that.”

“I sure hope so. That’s one of the reasons I still keep you around.” 

“Oh Honey! Stop! You’re making me blush.” Akira playfully fanned himself. 

“Haha. You’ll be blushing harder soon enough. Clothes off.” Akechi demanded in a sexy way, sitting up, straddling Akira.

“How about you remove mine?” Akira asked, flirtatiously.

Akechi rolled his eyes and tore Akira’s shirt over his head with little warning.

“Goro!” Akira jokingly gasped. “So tough!”

“Shush. I'd rather watch you do the work.”

“Such is the rich with the poor.” Akira jests, pulling off his pants.

“Oh, don’t you start with that, eat the rich nonsense.” Akechi complained, playfully, brushing the hair in his face back.

“I mean-“ Akira paused, thinking for a second. Dirty thoughts. A smirk. He tugged at his boyfriend’s pants, to which Akira helped with taking off his pants. Akechi removed his shirt as Akira pulled his boxer’s down. 

“There’s little Willy.”

“Shut up.”

“What? It’s only polite to greet people.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you’re an expert in that front.” Akechi sounded sarcastic.

“I am. Get on your hands and knees.”

“What? I thought I’d be giving the orders this time.” Akechi said, but he obliged anyway, getting into that position on the bed. 

“You're clean right?” Akira moved to get behind Akechi.

“Yes. What are you going to do?”

Akira smirked, gripping both side’s of his boyfriend’s hips.

“I’m going to eat the rich.” 

And Akira started eating his ass. Running his tongue over Akechi’s asshole, the former detective couldn’t help but groan at the sensation. His limbs began to tremble as Akira kept at it. Eating his ass like it was a gourmet plate of curry. More like GOROmet. Haha. GOT ‘EM! 

“My god! Akira!” Akechi moaned as he was eaten out. Haha. Skate fast. Eat ass! 

The former thief pulled away, looking at that peach ass. He groped Goro’s cheeks, squeezing them like they were stress balls.

“You little slut.” The man himself complained, secretly enjoying the attention.

Akira smiled, gently smacking Akechi’s cheek meat. “They bouncy.”

“That’s how lipids are.” Akechi commented, flipping himself so he was laying on his back. “So how's about you ride me?”

“Sure sure. I already did promise you that.” Akira moved over Akechi, pressing a kiss onto his lips. “I’m a man of my word. Just get me loose a bit.”

“With pleasure.” Akechi smiled as he pulled Akira into his lap.

He ran a tender finger down the man’s spine, sending shivering throughout the former thief’s body. Akira let out a huff. Akechi reached for the non-vegan lube on the end table, coating his fingers. He prodded gently at Akira’s asshole. Gently. Then he thrust his two digits in.

Akira stiffened a bit. 

“It hurts?”

“No. Just get on with it. I have to go to work early tomorrow.”

Akechi did as instructed, slowly fingering inside of Akira. Looking for that one spot. You know, the one. Then, Akechi found it. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Akira mewled, as Akechi spread the fingers to open his lover up. “Oh Goro!” He threw his hand around his standing penis, ready to jerk himself off. Akechi pulled Akira into a wild kiss, making out and making the former thief lose all his breath as he kept on going. It was an overload. An overload of sensation. So much. So so much. The fingering. The kissing. The feeling of his own hand on his own dick, giving himself firm thrusts. Akira felt he wasn’t too far off. The train was SO close to pulling into the right station. 

“I’m close! I’m close!” Akira exclaimed, breaking away from the kiss.

“Don’t let me stop you.” Akechi replied, pressing a kiss onto the man’s neck.

And Akira came ropes of white sticky semen into his own hand. He let out a deep sigh, having just felt as though the air in his lungs had been knocked out of him by a baseball bat for a brief second. He lay his face into Akechi’s shoulder, murmuring “Thank you.”

Akechi managed to reach over for the nearby book of tissues, handing Akira a few so he could wipe off his hands.

“That good?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Akira wipes himself off. “Okay, I guess I have to ride you now.”

“If you’re tired, we can go to bed. You do have work.”

“No. It’s not fair if you don’t finish too. Come on. I think you’ve stretched me out pretty decently.” Akira leaned over, throwing the tissues into a nearby wastebasket.

“Decently? Akira you couldn’t keep silent for a second. I wouldn’t call that decent.”

“There he is.” Akira teased, positioning himself over Akechi’s prick. “Okay. Don’t let your sex skills go to your head.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Akechi answered coyly. Then he immediately let out a choked out moan as Akira penetrated himself on his dick.

“Mmm? That good?”

“You’re so warm! Ahh. So nice.”

“Haha. Okay, let’s get this party started.” Akira said, sliding himself up. Then down. Then up. Then down again. Slowly, as to drag out the sensation of every little thrust.

“Akira! Yes!” Akechi laid back, covering his blushing face with his hands.

“Don’t do that! Savor the image!” Akira said, taking Akechi’s hands and interlocking their fingers together.

And there they were. Akira playing the cowgirl on Akechi’s dick, sliding up and down masterfully. They were tied together, and Akechi stared like he was going to savor the image for a long time. 

“Oh yeah! Akira!”

Akira smirked, suddenly stopping. “Oh I have an idea.” He let go of his boyfriend’s hands, spinning himself so he was in the reverse cowgirl position. “So you can look at my ass.”

“Charming, Akira.” Akechi replied, moving his hands to grip around Akira’s hips.

Akira kept thrusting up and down. Slowly tenderly. He was panting, but kept going anyway. Because Akechi was no doubt getting closer. Oh yeah, closer. 

“Akira!” He groaned.

Yep, that was the good sign. The best sign. Akira arched his back up, enjoying making his boyfriend feel so good like this. But he arched to far and

“ARGHHHH!” Akira screamed, having been struck by immediate sting of lower back pain. He fell forward onto his belly, Akechi’s dick still in him and 

“WAHHHHH!” Akechi let out the signature screech of a banshee, as they both heard the worst possible snapping popping sound.

* * *

The embarrassing trip to Takemi’s clinic in the middle of the night was just all around terrible, but Akira had her as a contact, and she was the only one able to see them on incredibly short notice.

“Well, after running a few tests, I know exactly what happened.” Takemi said nonchalantly, Akira sitting down slumped against a chair and Akechi sitting on the hospital bed, wearing the universal face of cringe as he held his hands over where his dick was. They were both in severe pain.

“You must’ve thrown out your back when you were riding Akechi-Kun.” Takemi said directly to Akira. “And when you fell on your stomach, you still had his penis inside of you, so the forceful bend must’ve fractured his penis.”

“You fractured my penis?!” Akechi cried out.

“It’s a very common injury. But this is a medical emergency.” Takemi said to Akechi. “So I’ve called an ambulance to get you to the nearest hospital. You need a surgeon ASAP to prevent sexual and urinary problems.”

“You fractured my penis.” Akechi said, looking at Akira.

“Recovery will take at least a month. As for you, Akira, your injury shouldn’t be as severe. I need you to be in bed, resting for a few days, and I’ll prescribe you some painkillers and anti-inflammatory meds. If the pain doesn’t go away in two weeks, you’ll have to come back, because it could be a sign of something more severe.”

But Akira couldn’t stop staring at Akechi who looked severely mortified.

“Akira, you actually fractured my fucking penis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Another painful to read chapter.


	6. Watergate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold. The meta chapter where I make fun of myself.

Futaba and Akira were seated across from one another at the same booth at Leblanc. Futaba snickering as her face, framed to look small by her oversized glasses, was glued to her laptop screen. Akira was casually glancing at his phone, scrolling through the group chat his friends had. Yusuke said he needed to vent, and Ryuji told him to go for it. That resulted in a long paragraph detailing Yusuke’s pure and utter disdain for finger blending. Sentences upon sentences on that amounted to simply that the oils from one's prints made it hard to erase mistakes and ruined the luster of artworks.

Akira hated to admit he found Yusuke’s one man rampage rather entertaining.

Sojiro was there too, causally polishing some of the dishes he had just finished washing. The shop as a whole was pretty empty. 

It put Akira at ease. The familiar atmosphere of an empty Leblanc. Him with his surrogate father and sister just quietly enjoy each other’s company.

It was all so easy.

Then Futaba laughed so hard, she snorted like a pig. Sojiro just grinned. A noise he knew all too well. But Akira looked up from his phone, curious like the Cheshire Cat.

“What?” 

Futaba’s devious eyes met with his, and he knew he was in for something. Something good hopefully.

“Guess what I found on Discord?” She asked like an evil mastermind.

“What?”

“A fan server about the Phantom Thieves.”

Akira chuckled to himself. “Does Mishima run it?”

“Who?”

“Nishima.”

“Oh! I don’t know. I guess I can hack the IP address. Ehh! Another time. But look!” Futaba turned her laptop around to showcase it to Akira.

His eyes scanned over the discord content. General things like topical channels. Off topic discussion channels. Art channels. Even fanfiction.

“People write fanfiction? About the phantom thieves? And draw fanart?” Akira asked, with a big dumb grin on his face. 

This earned him a “hoo boy” from Sojiro.

“Yeah! Remember that time I broadcasted Shido’s calling card all over Japan? Well, the public did see our silhouettes. And they full on saw your face, albeit, masked. People have their own little artist interpretations.” She turned her laptop to click on the fanart channel, showing it to Akira once she turned it back to him.

He slid the laptop closer, gazing upon the fanart. Interpretations of the phantom thieves but none quite accurate to what they actually looked like. Going off the silhouette wasn’t a lot. As such, things like their faces and color schemes wouldn’t exactly line up. Although Akira had to admit, the fanart of him came the closest to accurate. Even the drawings of his face. How uncanny. He’d hate to run into one of these artists in passing.

Futaba reached over for her laptop, taking it back, making some clicks.

“There’s even an NSFW channel!” 

Akira didn’t notice that before! What the hell? He immediately turned red, to which Futaba laughed.

“It’s just people talking about how they want you to do kinky things to them or how they wanna do kinky things to you. For your own sanity, I will not be showing you.”

“That’s a little creepy, don’t you think?” Akira muttered. “They don’t even know who I am.”

“Ehh! Such is the nature of horny people online. Besides you haven’t even seen the headcanons!”

“Headcanons?!” Akira went.

“Oh yes! My favorite is that the leader of the phantom thieves was actually the secret lover of-Get this,“ she leaned in closer. “Goro Akechi, acclaimed detective prince.” 

To this Akira just burst out laughing. That was a whole other level of insane.

“People actually shipped us!? Oh my god!” He kept laughing.

“Still do! They headcanon you two eloped or something.”

“Wait? Shipping? What’s that?” Sojiro asked, utterly confused.

“Oh, that’s a whole can of worms to open. But in the simplest terms, when you ship something, that means you support a pair romantically, and want to see them together.” Futaba explained.

“Don’t you kids have anything better to do than pine for other people?”

“Nope!” The hacker answered enthusiastically. “Truly, truly outrageous! Isn’t it?” 

“It is!” Akira was still laughing. Sojiro just grumbled and went to the back.

“Wait ‘til you read the fanfic. There’s tons of you and Akechi. Like him arresting you, but you smooth talk your way out of it with your phantom thief charisma. And stuff where you save his life and he starts to doubt saying mean things about you. Or dark stuff. A lot of dark stuff. A lot of that. But some pretty funny stuff too.” Futaba went on.

“What kind of person would spend so much time writing fanfiction about me and Akechi?” Akira asked. “That’s a little weird.”

“Ehh.” Futaba shrugged. People like to work with pre-existing characters, and write their own cool ideas. It can be a lot of fun. Like in this fanfic where you kidnap Akechi to get him to stop talking shit but you both fall and love.”

“What?”

“At the end, the two of you leave your own lives behind, elope to Argentina, and get married. And there’s a lot of smut.” 

“And you read it.” Akira deadpanned.

“Hey! I skip the smutty scenes! And I mean it’s not really about you. You’re written to be way more confident in these fanfics than you are in real life. Like wow, you act like a total fucking chad half the time in these stories. I read them and think, ‘Wow, there’s no way you’d actually talk to Akechi like this in real life.’ Haha.”

“Thanks.”

“I only read half these stories to see if they depict the Phantom Thief's brilliant hacker!” Futaba boasted.

“Okay, but in the sex scenes, who was the top?”

“I don’t know. I just said I always skip those parts. I read for the plot.”

“But what if you miss the plot if it happens in the porn?”

“Then, I miss the plot. I’m not gonna read twenty paragraphs of you dicking down Akechi. I do not want that mental image in my head. Especially after what happened last month. Oh, but what’s really funny, is Leader of the Phantom Thieves X Reader insert character fics. Or Goro Akechi X Reader. Or in the best case. A love triangle where the two of you fight for the Reader’s affection. You’re always such a bad boy and Mr. I Don't Play By The Rules. And then Akechi will be written to be a kind spoken gentle prince. I can’t even.”

“That’s nothing like him!” Akira laughed some more.

“My favorite one, I’ve read, was this one. It’s called ‘Adopted by The Phantom Thieves.’ We adopt a teenage girl from her abusive foster parents and then you hook up with her.” 

Akira just runs his hands over his face. He’s not sure he can laugh any more. His stomach seriously hurt, and his back had only just healed.

“Jesus Christ.” He says. “You’re gonna have to link me some of the funniest ones. Especially the ones with Goro. Oh, is there an adopted by Goro Akechi fic?”

Futaba just smirks, pushing her glasses into place. They seemed to fog over, obscuring her sinister eyes.

“Tons.”

* * *

“You tied your black hair up into a bun, looking into your mirror. Your grey orbs staring back at you in your denim pants and black converse. You went downstairs to see your mum cooking breakfast. She immediately noticed you and said ‘Akira-Chan, I have to sell you to be able to pay the bills.’ You gasped out of shock.” Akira read out loud from his phone.

“What the hell is that?” Akechi looked up from his newspaper he was reading. He already dressed like a grandpa, so it was no surprise he read like a grandpa too. He set the newspaper down.

Akira smirked and kept reading. “Suddenly! The door opened. It was Goro Akechi! You was actually getting adopted by Goro Akechi! Maybe he could protect you from the Phantom Thieves. How scary!”

“What the actual fuck are you reading?” Akechi stood over Akira in an intimidating manner.

Akira just gave a shit eating grin. “Fanfiction.”

“Fanfiction?!”

“You do know what fanfiction is right?”

“Of course I know!” Akechi answered, sounding offended. Offended?! Akira just grinned the world’s most evil shit eating grin. More like an ass eating grin if you catch my drift.

“I know what fanfiction is! Why is it about me? And the Phantom Thieves?! What the fuck?”

“Gee, Goro, I didn’t write it. Ask the author. Unicorn underscore Swag underscore Queen underscore 12.”

“You mean to tell me that people write fanfiction about you and me?”

“I found out from Futaba the other day. I never thought they’d write about the phantom thieves and their leader but here we are. How come you didn’t know?”

“I was told not to search my name on certain platforms when I first got into the business. And frankly, I’m very happy I avoided all this. Well, until today.”

* * *

The next day, Akira awoke his domestic tsundere of a boyfriend to a nice breakfast in bed with eggs, hash browns, and toast. Of course, there was a cup of Akechi’s favorite coffee blend that Akira knew how to make so well.

“For you, my love.” Akira exclaimed.

“You don’t have to keep spoiling me. I’m not mad about that dick thing from last month.” Akechi huffed, before he took the toast and bit it almost angrily. Yikes! Akira sleeps with a biter.

“You seemed on edge yesterday, Honeypie.” Akira murmured, sitting on Akechi’s right. Tenderly, Akira began to tenderly massage Akechi’s shoulders so sweetly. Akechi just sighed. 

“Don’t spoil me.”

“Christ.” Akira said, removing his hands. “Well you sack of you shit, why are you so pissed?” He stated but with no hint of malice in his voice.

“It’s those godforsaken fanfiction you’ve read me. I managed to find the one you were reading, and it was total ass. I would never adopt a random teenage girl. Especially then. I didn’t have the fucking money to throw around to ‘adopt.’” Akechi says adopt with finger quotes. “And I wouldn’t have done it either way. You think I wanted to raise a girl like that back then!? And why did I end up with her? It was so creepy. And don’t get me started about the way I fucking act.”

“Thanks for the spoilers.” 

“And another thing! You’re in the fanfic, but you’re mentioned as just the leader of the phantom thieves. And you’re super antagonistic towards the girl insert character, and you commit some of the worst heinous atrocities in the story like when you kill the girl’s mother half way in chapter 28. It’s the worst! You’d never do something like that, Akira!”

“Thanks for defending my honor, but I doubt the author knew anything like that. It’s just some kid having fun in their bedroom.”

“And another thing! The story is unfinished! It hasn’t been updated in years! How could a person commit to writing near forty chapters of other bullshit yet not commit to finishing it!?”

“I don’t know, Goro! I didn’t write it!”

“Hmmpt!” Akechi just stuffed a hash brown into his mouth quite angrily. “I’d never act like that in real life. I’d never fucking give a shit about a girl like that back then! I barely even gave a shit about myself!” He spoke with food in his mouth.

* * *

The next day, Futaba came over to look at random subreddits with Akira. They were going through memes on r/MEIRL when Akechi burst into the room.

“Akira! You will not believe this fanfiction I discovered!”

Futaba’s ears seemed to perk up, as she turned to Akechi excitedly. 

“Did you just say fanfiction?!” 

“Yes!” Akechi shook his face with his eyes closed in shame. “Akira, the BackStreet Boys kidnap me in this fanfiction. Like legit, kidnap me. And I have to be rescued by the phantom thieves, and we end up bonding over our shared love of dinosaur bones and falling in love! Akira! Can you believe this?!”

Futaba sprung up to her feet, immediately jumping like a little frog to snatch the phone right out of Goro’s hands.

“Sakura-Chan! What the hell? You’re not gonna install another bug are you?”

Futaba looked down at the phone with the posture of the letter f before looking over to Akechi. 

“I wrote it.”

“You’re user xXx4Squid2Kid0xXx?!”

“Ugh! Don’t read that stuff! I wrote it back aways right before I even joined the phantom thieves. It’s a crack fic! I didn’t intend for it to be taken seriously! I wanted to shitpost, but I decided to stop updating once I realized how weird it was that I was writing phantom thieves fanfic while also being a phantom thief myself.”

“Sakura-Chan, you wrote a fanfiction where I get kidnapped by the actual BackStreet boys.”

Akira began to laugh. “Hahahahaha, wh-what hahah was the ju-justification?!” He managed to say in between laughing.

“Akechi was shit talking Baylee Littrell on live television so they decided to beat the shit out of him and kidnap him as revenge.”

“Just give me my damn phone back.” Akechi held out his hand, expecting it back.

“Fine. But if you ever read any of the shit I posted, I will leak everything you have.”

* * *

The next morning, Akira awoke to Akechi already wide awake, sitting up with his phone in his hands and his face stiff with pure unbridled disappointment. Then his eyes flickered to Akira, lighting up. 

“You’re up.”

“Yep.” Akira sighed, rolling over to face away from Akechi on his side. “It’s early.”

“It’s not that early.”

“Why are you always on your phone?” 

“I’m reading fanfiction.”

“Why are so obsessed about the adventures of you and me in the minds of fans.”

“These stories clearly demonstrate how the eyes of society view us. I hate to admit that I’m quite hooked on reading these.”

Akira turned to face Akechi.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I find it utterly fascinating.” Akechi set his phone away on the end table on the bed.

“In most of the stories, you’re incredibly domineering, to the point of even forgoing consent.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. It’s the way so many of these people see you. To juxtapose, they write me to be selfless and a gentle lover.”

Akira snickered a bit.

“You think that’s funny?” Akechi asked, moving to pin Akira down against the bed.

“A bit.” Akira covered his face, blushing. 

“That’s cute.” Akechi removed one of Akira’s hands, leaning down to kiss him on the lips.

“Ugh. Morning breath.”

* * *

After Akira and Akechi brushed their teeth, they went back to bed for a little trip to the bone zone. Akechi was the top today, though all those fanfics may say otherwise.

He thrust roughly into Akira, slamming, pounding. Over and over, his hands gripping Akira’s hips so hard they were bound to leave bruises later, no doubt. Akira was on his stomach, his face buried into a pillow as Akechi took him behind. It felt like a lot all at once, totally overwhelming Akira with the warm tickle of the lustful sensation, what with the grind of his dick against the sheets below him and the hard thrusts Akechi was taking inside him. 

“Like that, huh?”

Akira let out an obscene moan.

“Yeah! That’s right! I’m in charge! I know how you like it!” Akechi panted, yet never seeming to lose stamina. Oh, what a lucky man Akira was. No fanfiction could truly capture the accuracy of Akechi’s dick game.

“Ahh! Yeah! Oh yeah! Goro! Goro!”

“Yes! Go ahead and cum!”

And cum Akira did. Haha. Dick juice. Dick juice all over the bed. You need to wash that, dirty man.

And of course he came. Akechi’s pound town techniques along with the friction Akira felt as his dick rubbed against the mattress had engulfed him in the embodiment of horny release.

But Akechi hadn't left town quite yet, and he kept at it, pushing into Akira. And Akira could do nothing. Do nothing but be overwhelmed by the unbridled stimulation of Akechi’s dick game. 

Thinking about it made Akira so red in the face. A small part of him envied Akechi for the prowess he currently displayed. Being in this position was just so damn hard.

HAHAHHAHA! That’s what she said.

And then Akechi came, with a heave, and a cry. And a sigh. And Akechi gazed down at the semen leaking out from Akira, and Akira‘s back and ass, and Akechi sighed. And he caught his breath. A good release. The first good release in a while. 

It was good to know their sex life wasn’t terribly cursed.

“You know, we’ll have to wash the sheets.”

“I know.”

“It’s pretty early. I’m surprised you went ham like that.”

“I had to.” Akechi murmured, shamefully. He pulled out of Akira.

Akira rolled on his side, sitting up to be with Akechi.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Akechi ignored him and balled himself up, resting his face on his knees.

“It’s the fanfictions isn’t it?” Akira said, having hit a head on the nail.

Akechi said nothing.

“Goro.”

Silence.

“Goro Akechi!” Akira scolded like a stern father. Akechi gulped. No! Don’t bring a daddy kink into this. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about being depicted all weird. I’m depicted all weird too. Besides, I know you. I know you better than all those authors ever will. You don’t have to prove anything.” Akira put a hand on Akechi’s shoulder.

Akechi smiled softly. “I know, Akira. Thank you.”

“I love you, Goro.”

“I love you too.”

And they shared a chaste kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Them dudes finally get to finish, but the question is, now that the anticipation is over, what will there be left to anticipate?  
> More funny memes lol?  
> Perhaps.


	7. All Along the Watchtower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phone call during the moment chapter.

The air felt uncomfortably hot that night. The kind of air that makes a man’s skin sticky and icky and gross. The kind of atmosphere that can cause many unfortunate souls to resent their own body. The kind of air that makes you unhappy at the very prospect of cuddling, holding another.

So naturally, this is the atmosphere in which Goro Akechi gave Akira Kurusu a handjob.

NOICE.

“Goro...” Akira had a hand on Goro’s head, running his fingers through the locks of the former detective’s pale brown hair. Akira’s gaze rains down on Akechi intensely. 

And Akechi? Akechi is nonchalantly about the entire scenario. He was on his knees with Akira sitting on the edge of the bed. And Akechi had only two things on his mind. God, it is unbelievably hot, and god, I just want Akira to scream until he loses his voice.

He can’t really do that though. Morgana is asleep on his overpriced cat tree in the other room. So, Goro settled for deciding to make Akira squirm and overheat and blush in so many uncomfortable ways.

Goro had his hand wrapped around Akira’s lubed up cock, pumping up and down, entranced by Akira’s heavy and uneven breathing. Goro bit his lip, his eyes glazed over with pure sexual want. The want is to see Akira come apart in a subtle way, as has been previously established. Though they cannot go too incredibly crazy, Goro wanted to go crazy enough to make Akira come undone all by his own doing. His own being. 

Akira’s head was warm and hazy. Swarming with heavy hot thoughts that make a man want to release at an instant, but letting yourself go so soon makes for an embarrassing situation. So, Akira strived to keep himself together while Goro strived to make the man explode in his hand.

And as the latter looks up, their eyes lock and-

Akira’s phone rang! Wow. That totally killed my horny. Akira immediately reached for it! 

Hickatity dockity! HOW DARE YOU CALL WHIST SOMEONE SUCKS MY COCKITY?! ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

“Uggh!” Goro very audibly groaned, dismayed. “Don’t answer! We’re in the middle of something.”

“What if it’s an emergency?” Akira said, scoldingly, no trace of horny left on his face. “You’re so inconsiderate sometimes.” He complained, and then, like a switch was flicked in his brain, Akira’s tone changed from berating to sweet like a complete 180. “Haru! How are you?”

Goro can hear Okumura’s sickly sweet soft little voice from the other line. Oh, joy~

“Oh! Akira! I’m so ecstatic! I’m calling to tell you that one of my business partners has a cat, and that cat? It just gave birth to a litter of seven kittens!”

“Oh my gosh. That’s amazing!” Akira proclaimed so sincerely. Fucking cat nerd. 

“I know. I saw the kitties yesterday, and I was thinking of adopting one. I always see you and the bond you have with Mona-Chan, and I think it’s so adorable. I kind of want a kitty for myself.”

“Well, it’s a big responsibility Haru. Morgana can be a pain in the butt sometimes, so it won’t always be happy wholesome time with your cat. You gotta be prepared for the challenges of cat ownership.”

Goro had to agree there. Morgana was his stubborn MIL who was only good for complaining and scarfing down sushi and simping for Takamaki-San. Dumb little ass of a stupid little small black cat dumb. Very dumb. 

Meanwhile, Goro was still on his knees, looking bored with Akira’s dick still in his warm grip. Hehhehe. Firmly grasping it. (•̀o•́)ง

“Oh! Don’t say that! Mona-Chan is such a sweetheart!”

Goro let out a chuckle at that. Haha. Yeah, right! That four legged bag of black fur was a complete menace to society.

“Morgana is only docile when he’s getting spoiled. You gotta be disciplined with your cat. Can’t let ‘em think they’re the boss, otherwise they get greedy. I already messed up on that with Mona..”

“Oh. I’d hate to have a cat that’s spoiled. How do you deal with Mona-Chan?“

“Oh, Haru, it’s simple! You just can not condone it when your cat decides to misbehave. If you’re playing with the cat, and they decide it wants to claw and bite, you gotta take away your attention to teach the kitty that it’s no good. You gotta be in control. But never hit the cat. Never spray the cat. Never ever rub its nose. Just ignore the cat as a form of discipline. No matter how cute they are, you just can’t let them get away with it!”

Goro rolled his eyes, and decided things were a little too boring for his liking. Was he really doomed to listen to Akira explain the ethics and rules of proper cat ownership over the phone? No! Goro had other plans. A mischievous glint twinkled in his eyes, and he suddenly decided maybe it was time for a little misbehavior. What was Akira gonna do? Discipline him?

“Oh wow, I didn’t think a cat would scratch you during play.”

“Yeah, they can be- ah!” Akira paused to let out a gasp. Goro had pressed a small kiss onto the head of Akira’s penis in a deliberate attempt to draw himself attention.  
While Akira was on call with Haru?! How crude! That’s no goood!

“Oh, what was that?”

“Morgana. Just surprised me is all.” Akira lied, looking down at Goro with a stern glare.

“Oh! Can I say hello?” 

“No!” Akira held in a scream as Goro licked around the head, his free hand fondling the balls. Goro looked up at him innocently as he lowered his head to take in more of Akira’s dick.

“No. Sorry. Mona just left.“ Akira was screaming in his own head, struggling to keep it all in for Haru. But fuck. But shit. Goro was so fucking terrible. So mean. Why now!? Absolute dickhead. 

Well, they say you are what you eat. 

“Oh. Well tell Mona I said hi, then.” The fluffy haired girl said from the other line.

“Will do.”

Goro breathed through his nose, as he began to bob his head up and down. Akira couldn’t help but let out a groan. There it was. The audible signal of a suck well done. Goro knew it. Akira knew it. Did Haru know it too? 

“Oh Akira? You sound busy.” Haru chuckled from the other line. She did know it!

Oh shit. 

No no no no no-no-no-no. No no no no no-no-no-no. No no no no no. Don't hurt me now.

“Yeah! You know what?! I’ll call you back in the morning! Goodbye!” Akira rushed, panicky, hanging up immediately. He quickly threw his phone to the side. Then, he tugged Akechi off his dick! !!!No bueno!!!

“What the hell!?”

“You were taking too long, and believe me, that was not an emergency.” Akechi sounded coy. What an asshole!

“Oh fuck you!”

“That’s what I was doing, though you were probably too busy to notice.” Akechi said sardonically. “Now then, I’m going to allow you to ignore me. I’m not a cat, after all.”

Akira sighed, wanting to put the man in his place. “Where’s a spray bottle when I need one?“

Goro laughed. Akira raised an eyebrow, pouting.

“Oh, I’m just imagining spray bottle sex where every time one of us sprays the other every time we do something wrong.”

Akira paused to chuckle. “Haha, we can try that next time, now why don’t you resume where you left off?”

“I’m sorry. Where’s your sense of discipline?”

“Hurry up and suck me off, and then I’ll tie your wrists to the headboard and show you how I really discipline.”

Goro just smirked before taking Akira back into his mouth.

It was going to be a long hot night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they did things.


	8. Overture 1812

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortish chapter but next one will be longish. And somewhat plotish. But let's face it. Not really.

When Akechi stepped into the shower, it was like a clean, calming warmth immediately enveloping him in the comfortable embrace of relaxation. All parts of him felt at ease. It’s like all the world’s troubles and tribulations melted away and no longer mattered.

And when Akira stepped in with him, he slipped his arms underneath Akechi’s to hold him sweetly. And Akechi leaned his head back into the crook of Akira’s neck, his eyes shut. And Akira pressed soft and gentle kisses onto Akechi’s neck.

Caring. Compassionate. Complete. 

That’s all it needed to be.

The water ran like a soft sort of drizzle. Harmless, yet deliberate. And when Akira scrubbed at Akechi’s scalp with the shampoo, he did so wordlessly, allowing the quiet peace to reign as he methodically massaged bubbles to clean away all of yesterday’s worries. And when Akechi washed Akira’s back with the bar of soap, he made sure to get every spot. All the places that would be difficult for Akira to reach on his own. The whole scene is entirely serene.

Domestic. Quiet. Peaceful.

And then Akira dropped to his knees, eyes level with Akechi’s cock. Akechi looked down at him, frowning as if to scold him. 

“Well?”

“Get on with it then.”

Akira smiled and kissed the head of Akechi’s penis. Akechi brought a hand to his face covering his lips. Akira rolled his eyes and took the dick into his mouth, blanketing Akechi’s penis with a snug, comfortable feeling.

Okay. Comfortable was putting it lightly. It was downright arousing, but that’s to be expected with your dick in someone’s mouth. It’s a bigger bonus that someone's mouth is someone you really really love. Like a lot. And he’s good at blowing you. But you’re way too stubborn to admit it sometimes.

And Akira’s tongue does some funny work. Gliding over the man meat in a way that gets Akechi’s rocks off. Akechi takes his free hand to curl it into Akira’s dripping wet black locks of hair. Right now they’re both wet, in more ways than one. Y’all catch my drift.

Akechi throws his head back, letting out an obscene moan, only to be hit by the uncomfortable weight of the water crashing onto his face from the shower head. For a moment it feels like he’s thrown under water in a violent sea current. The hand over his face swings back to shut off the water.

To this Akira said nothing, continuing his happy work. But Akechi can’t deny that something’s different. Something’s clogged. Something- UGH!

His ear. His left one. Clogged and plugged by the shower head spray. Like when you go on an airplane and then the altitude and then POP! His whole hearing was completely out of balance, replaced by a strange feel. It doesn’t quite hurt but it feels awful. A buzzing unfair pressure. Wholly uncomfortable, juxtaposing the warmth of Akira’s mouth on his dick.

Focus on that! Focus on that! Not the strange watery clog of your left ear. Shit, what if that ruins the mood?

Then Akira did something funky with his tongue, making Akechi let out a louder moan than the one before. Then Akira slid his head forward, bumping his nose against Akechi’s waist with a cute little bop. Then he slides back, the sensation of it all making Akechi feel like he’s on cloud nine. Akechi just can’t tear his eyes away from him now. Not after that whole display. 

And suddenly the feeling of a clogged ear is incredibly distant. Forgotten. And all that matters is Akira. Akira’s mouth. Akira’s lips. Just wow.

“I’m close.” Is all Akechi could murmur.

Akira gave a sultry look, before keeping at it. Licking. Sucking. Blowing. In the way he could push Akechi over the edge. Until-

“Ahhhhhhh~!” Release echoed from Akechi’s lips’ like a dam breaking open. Unleashed like the Nigera Falls. And at the same time-

POP!

Akechi let out a pleasant sigh of relief and release. His ear popped at the same time of his orgasm. Great. Just great. Akira had pulled back just in time so Akechi could cum all over his face, like a porn star. And his cum is all over Akira’s face. Not an unwelcome sight. A rather lewd one. 

And then Akira stood up, and turned on the shower water to wash the semen off his face.

“Not bad.” Is all Akechi could say. He’s a bit stunned. Him coming really did fix everything. Didn’t it? Akira really did that, huh?

Akira shut the water off when he finished. “Fuck.” He cursed, his face thoroughly rinsed and cleaned, but he looked irritated.

“What?”

“The water clogged my ear.”

Akechi just smirked.

“I think I know a way I can help you with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give em the succ


	9. The Tempest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter with backstory. Homies go camping. Sex and pizza tiem. Letzz go.

“When I was younger, my parents used to take my sister and I camping.” Sumire said. “I remember my dad would have to call over the phone to make a reservation. They’d rent a bungalow. We’d go fishing, rock climbing, and hiking. Oh, there was even a bathhouse. I remember it so well. It was like stepping into a whole other corner of the world and just disappearing from the city for a little bit.”

Akira smiled, wholly intrigued by the idea. A camping trip. A vacation to the beautiful retreat to nature and serenity. He could just imagine himself fishing already. Stress, the furthest thing from his mind. Just silence and the calm presence of his many friends. The people he loved most. Akira felt warm and fuzzy on the inside at the idea. A camping trip with the buddies. Chums. Pals.

“We should go camping.”

“Oh Senpai! You mean it?”

“Yeah! You, me, and the others. I think a relaxing getaway with friends sounds perfect.”

Sumire beamed, grinning at the wildcard. “Well, aren’t you lucky to have access to my great ideas?”

* * *

“You’re all going camping, huh?” Sojiro asked, a little surprised. “Even you Futaba?”

“What? You don’t think I can handle the wildness of nature? The great outdoors? I’m a tomb raider extraordinaire! The hero of the wilds! An open world adventurer!” The small hacker exclaimed with a grand sense of enthusiasm. “I can handle camping! And it helps that the campsite has service.” 

Sojiro just shook his head. “Now that last part makes sense.”

The rest of the gang was all gathered in LeBlanc, eagerly planning their so to be getaway.

“Okay, so I gotta pack a ton of clothes. Stylish clothes but also totally functional for the environment. And you never know what the weather’s gonna be like. It can become unpredictable.” Ann mentioned, already compartmentalizing what would look best on her and also serve as practical camping clothing.

“If it were me, I’d just pack whatever clothes made sense.” Makoto replied, overwhelmed by the idea of bringing so many outfits for “just in case” scenarios.

“Oh, but I’m afraid to leave Bean-Chan at home by himself. He’s still a kitten, and what if the sitter is mean?” Haru sputtered, already sweating bullets at the idea of her cat Bean, home by himself with a cruel cat sitter. That person would never survive an encounter with Haru Okumura.

“Oh, you know the campsite allows pets. That's why Mona is coming.” Akira replied, hoping to ease the heiress’s nerves.

“Oh really?! And I thought you were gonna be sneaking him in. But that means I can bring Bean-Chan with me on the trip! Except. Oh no, what if the trip stresses him out?” She stressed out again, quite close to biting her perfectly manicured nails.

“You gotta take Bean out of his comfort zone, Haru!” Morgana exclaimed, hopping onto the table in front of her with his cat grace. “He’s gotta experience the wild! It’s in his genes. He’s descended from the biggest apex felines imaginable, isn’t he? He’s gotta learn to hunt and all that. And I’ll be by his side, so you have nothing to worry about.” The black cat bragged.

“Oh, Mona-Chan! You’re so sweet!” The fluffy haired girl pulled the poor cat into a hug so tight, she could have snapped his simp spine..

“Mrwwwww ahhhhhh!” Morgana screamed meowed.

Ryuji just laughed at Morgana’s increasing groans of discomfort, petting the poor thing on the head. “I’m just excited for the sights, if you catch my drift.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, giving a smolder.

“Precisely! The beautiful landscapes of the outdoors are bound to be absolutely breathtaking! What excites me most is how the lighting of sunset will frame the environment! Oh! The warm hues will be magnificent!” Yusuke proclaimed in his Yusuke voice.

“Dude, I was talking about the ladies! Nature babes.” Ryuji deadpanned, lacking spirit in his voice.

“Typical Ryuji. You can never get your mind off girls, can you?” Ann just rolled her eyes.

“Agreed. You’ll never pick up a woman with that attitude. You try too hard. When I was in high school, all the women flocked to me, and I didn’t even have to do anything.” Akechi said with an underlying hint of a subtle pride. 

Akira rolled his eyes this time.

“Yeah, because you were putting on some act to get the girls all into your pocket.” Ryuji complained.

“Ahh, the act wasn’t for the girls. I supposed that was just a consequence.” Akechi sighed, remembering the swarms of screaming girls who would likely do anything for a piece of him. Oh dam. “OWW!

Ann had forcefully elbowed Akechi, to castigate his behavior. She then leaned towards Ryuji, as if to whisper a tell all secret on the ways of getting a girl to fall for you. Sounds obvious, but some men don’t know.

“The key to getting a girl is respecting women.” She proclaimed. “I would know. I’m a woman. I love women. Girls, man.”

“That’s not fair! Women are so hard to read.” Ryuji threw his arms up. 

Sojiro just shook his head. “A woman will come to you. Don’t force it.”

Ryuji pouted.

“Relationships are blehh for me. I’m just hella excited for that pizza place advertised on the site.” Futaba mentioned. Oh fuck yeah. Pizza!

“Oh yes, the pizza place. I heard they let you make your own pizza and there are so many different toppings to choose from!” Sumire added, sounding like the place was sponsoring her gymnastics career..

“Pizza. The common man’s meal.” Akechi said, pondering.

“Oooh! Ooh! I want a slice with anchovies!” Morgana squirmed in Haru’s arms.

“We must select the toppings that will create the most aesthetically pleasing pizza!” Yusuke exclaimed.

“Or the pizza that tastes the best.” Akira said.

“I want all the toppings.” Ann added.

And as the night drew on, the thieves kept arguing about which pizza toppings would be best. The argument became extremely heated when Goro ended up admitting to enjoying pineapple on his pizza.

* * *

That night, Akira finally finished packing their shared suitcase. When he returned to his room, he saw Akechi sprawled across the bed, bonelessly, Morgana curled up on his chest. Akira wordlessly fell by his side, cuddling right by his boyfriend.

* * *

“Ahh! So this is the beauty of the great outdoors! Truly marvelous.” Yusuke gasped once he first gazed upon the landscape of the campsite.

“Ehh, it’s alright.” Futaba said, carelessly scanning the place yet not finding anything to impress her. Nature’s all the same to the stay-at-home types. 

“Just alright!? Did you hit your head before we got here!?” Yusuke rebuked, sounding like Futaba had just told him his mother was a llama who smelled like wet socks and unrefrigerated French cheese.

“No, Inari! I just think, you see nature once, you’ve pretty much seen it all. But I guess anything impresses you. You fetishize ‘beauty’ like-”

“Oh, don’t be silly Futaba. There’s a lot of unseen things you miss at first glance.” Makoto chimed it, intruding to stop an argument in its infancy. “And Yusuke, Futaba does always feel more comfortable when indoors.”

Then, Haru proudly marched to the forefront with her pet cat, Bean in her arms. Gleefully, she set the feline down on his own four paws.

“Here we are, Bean! Come on and experience it all for yourself!” Haru sounded akin to a proud mother dropping off her child for the very first day of kindergarten.

Bean just let out a prepubescent cat mewl, Morgana trotting by the kitten’s side.

“Don’t worry Bean, I’ll be by your side the entire way.” Morgana said, the underlying tone of an asshole in charge.

“Oh! You’re both sooo cute!” Haru exclaimed, dying of cuteness overexposure.

“Well, this is certainly a decent view.” Akechi murmured to himself.

“Yeah?” Akira asked, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Geez, can you two stop? You’re both giving me the oogies.” Ryuji complained.

“You’re completely immature. I don’t even know why-“ Akechi began to ramble, only to be cut off by Akira’s scolding voice.

“Goro.”

Sumire tapped a finger to her bottom lip, glued to the display. She had been away for so long due to gymnastics, it was shocking to hear that Akechi and Akira were coupled up as perfectly as they were. Last she remembered, it had been so complicated. Akechi had a big dark cloud hanging over him, and Akira was always repressed and throwing himself in life without stopping to cry once. Sumire had problems of her own, but she was so caught up in trying to be someone else, she had never stopped to help the others with theirs. God, how long had it been?

“Hey, Sumire? You coming?” Ann snapped her out of her thoughts, with her friendly voice.

“Oh yeah. Of course!” 

* * *

Once everyone had set up their tents, waterproof tarps and everything, in case it rained. Yusuke hoisted Futaba onto his shoulders so she could yell “Let the camping begin!”

And the camping began, the day filled to the brim with various outdoor activities to spend with friends. 

The gang went fishing, Ryuji complaining that there was nothing biting on his end. Makoto scolded him to remain patient, while Bean and Morgana drooled at the prospect of fish. Oh glorious fish! Then Akira caught a big one, reeling it in with the grace and cunning of a dancer. And there it was! Big fish daddy. And then everybody clapped.

Haha. Just kidding! But the fish part was true.

Later that day, Yusuke persuaded his friends to try the art of sketching a landscape.

“Look at the magnificence of the open field! Bask upon it with your own two eyes and strive to capture it, fully!” He had exclaimed.

“I have four eyes.” Futaba laughed to herself. Hahah. Mood.

And when they all finished their work, they turned their papers to show Yusuke.

“I think I drew some of the trees look bigger than the others.” Futaba said, defeated, showing off a decent drawing with a mediocre composition.

“I was going for a certain feeling.” Ryuji said, his piece contained a rainbow that wasn’t there in real life, but he tacked it on because he wanted to.

“Honestly, I can’t even draw a circle!” Makoto snickered, embarrassed by her shockingly impressive drawing of the landscape.

Then, Yusuke looked at Haru’s drawing.

“Haru, you just drew Bean.”

“I like Bean.” She said.

Later, they went birdwatching.

“Birdwatching? Dafaq?! That’s boring, Man.” Ryuji had complained loudly.

“Shut the hell up! You’re going to scare the birds.” Akechi hissed like a feral cat, as struggled to spot his favorite bird with his big dumb binoculars.

“What are you looking for, Akechi-Senpai?” Sumire asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Akechi visibly shrank away at her touch, stubbornly hoping to appear as if his mind was on the bird he was searching for. “There is no need to call me that. You may call me Goro. And the bird-“ he paused a moment. “I'm trying to spot a Narcissus Flycatcher.”

“What’s so special about that bird?”

“Well, when my mother was younger, she mentioned to me how she’d take up birdwatching in her spare time. She had a book full of birds she would show me often, and that one was her favorite. After she left me, I began taking it up myself as a way to feel closer to her.”

Well that was sad. He seemed happier than the last time she had seen him, but no scars truly fade forever. Sumire just wasn’t sure what to say, to that, so she said something else.

“Well, if I’m to call you Goro, then you can call me Sumire.”

“Noted.”

* * *

Back by the campsite, Ryuji and Akira were like two bumbling fools, trying to get the fire pit going, but they shared a single brain cell when they did things like that, and the brain cell was turned off. Ryuji was rubbing two stupid twigs together, and Akira was blowing on it, as if that would make things better.

“Come on!? Why isn’t this goddamn thing lighting?” Ryuji shouted.

“Well, I got a theory.” Akira said, deadpan.

“What’s your theory, Bro?”

“You gotta believe the fire will start for it to start. It’s like an internal thing.”

“I guess I wasn’t too confident in myself earlier.”

Ann sat by Makoto, watching the madness unfold. It hadn’t been the first time they watched Ryuji and Akira mess around like bros, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time. They were used to it. In fact, they’d be more worried if they didn’t dance this weird tango of idiocy. Ann herself sometimes would withdraw her braincell whenever the influence of Ryuji and Akira would be too overpowering. Happened more often than she liked to admit, but she hated to admit it. So she just says “Men. Put them together to do something right, and they end up goofing around, and doing it in a miraculously insane way.”

“Well, at least they get it done.” Makoto offered, not sounding terribly confident. Makoto’s goody girl energy was always too strong to turn off her brain cell. She was always down to commit necessary crime, but be dumb for a day? No way. 

Then Akechi and Futaba shooed the two away from the fire pit, the latter holding suitable tinder. And without a word, Akechi pulled out a box of wooden matches to get the fire going. And he got it going. And it was burning, bright, hot, and great. Flameo hotman! 

“Oh.” Was all Akira said, aloof, glazing at the crackling flames that reflected off his lenses dramatically. His 

“Fire!” Futaba exclaimed, the fire reflecting off her glasses as well. She wore a grin indicative of a person who should be nowhere near a fire of this manner.

“Come on, Akechi! We almost had it!” Ryuji crosses his arms, like a pouty child that didn’t get his way.

“Believe me, Sakamoto, I did us all a favor. I doubt anyone wants to watch you two dick around to try to get a fire started.” Akechi retorted. He was wrong, but go off, Prince.

“I wanted to watch that!” Futaba adamantly raised her hand like an excited grade schooler, eager to cause havoc.

“Not helping, Sakura-Chan.” Goro shut his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “And anyways, what gives you two the idea you can start a fire the way cavemen did?”

Akira and Ryuji exchanged glances before they broke out the poses.

“We’re mighty and powerful men!” They both did poses.

And Futaba clapped.

“And not only are Ryuji and I peak masculinity. I have a woman’s sensitivity! Full package.” Akira exclaimed, handing Akechi a pamphlet.

What?

Goro’s detective eyes scanned the text, scourging to discover what Akira had meant. Then, he found it. 

“Lover’s peak?” He asked, an eyebrow raised with curiosity.

“It’s a trail around here. The view of the sky is said to be amazing for stargazing. I thought I could maybe take you. Just you and me. Me and you. Y’know, could be fun.” Akira proposed, with a played up shyness. 

“You sure, Leader? Looks like it’s gonna rain.” Futaba asked, looking up at the sky. 

“Then why were we even trying to light a fire?!” Ryuji threw his arms up to which Futaba replied with an “I don’t know” mumble.

“Well, color me stoked. I’ll take you up on that offer, Joker.” Akechi said that last part with a played up flirtation. “But if I get tired, you’ll have to carry me back.”

“Sure thing, Grumpy Pants. Let’s go.” Akira replied, taking Akechi’s hand to set off.

* * *

Everyone sits around the fire pit that night, the fires dancing hotly. Sit too close and anyone would feel the heated slap of the blaze on their skin. Though, many may prefer that, that cool starry night.

“So they went on a little mini date?” Sumire asked. She knew they were a thing, and everyone else knew as well. Everything just fell into place while she was away? No doubt it took hard work, but they made it all work, didn’t they? Everything seemed perfect. Well, not perfect, but great. 

“Yeah. Akechi and Leader are all smoochy-smoochy.” Futaba replied, her voice muffled by the bunched up marshmallows she shoved into her mouth.

“I can’t even imagine Akechi with anyone else.” Ryuji adds, his mouth full of marshmallows too.

“Can you guys stop? You’ll eat all the marshmallows and then there’ll be no s’mores.” Ann, scolds, snatching the bag from them.”

“It’s still pretty confusing to me that Akechi’s still here. I know I was away for when you guys found him. It makes me feel like I missed out a lot.” Sumire sheepishly glances away. 

“Don’t feel bad. You had a commitment to your gymnastics career. It’s only natural your passion would take you away from time to time, but you’ll always have a home with us!” Haru soothed, softly, patting Sumire’s back.

Sumi leaned into her touch. “Thank you, Haru-Chan. That means a lot. I was in a really dark spot when I lost my sister, so it means a lot to me that I know I’ll always have you guys.”

“Of course, Fam, a world without friendship is like a world where Ryuji has a girlfriend. Unreal and probably fake.” Futaba admitted, leaning closer to Sumi.

“Hey!” Ryuji objected, but he chose to let that one go.

“Still, it kinda confuses me. How Akechi managed to come back after what happened with Maruki, and how he and Akira, y’know.” Sumire’s too shy to clarify on that last part.

“They’re both clowns. Akechi’s just better at hiding it. They’re made for each other.” Morgana lazily murmurs.

“Well, it didn’t just happen overnight either.” Makoto reminisced. “Akechi came back when Leader had already gone back to his hometown. So, it was just us experiencing it at first.”

“Yeah, we didn't want to let him know right away. Truth is, Akira was super torn up about Akechi's fate. And he was already upset about having to go back home. We just didn’t want to disturb him too much right away. He was still getting used to being away from us, after all.” Ann disclosed in.

“If my memory is correct, Haru is the one who found him first.” Yusuke added.

“That’s right. I had to take him in and nurse him back to health. We thought he was dead when we found him.” Haru explains to Sumire.

“Really?!” Sumi’s eyes went wide, completely enamored by the story of Goro Akechi.

* * *

“Y’know the sky is beautiful tonight, but not as beautiful as you.” Akira teased, smugly.

“I’m surprised you didn’t break that one out the moment the sun finished setting.” Goro replied, feigning annoyance but secretly enjoying the attention. Don’t tell Akira though. Godslayer doesn’t need a bigger ego.

“Well, a smart man waits for the right moment to strike. Look up Goro.” Akira said, sweetly taking his boyfriend’s hands in his own.

As Goro turns his head up, he looks up at the beautiful twinkle of the infinite stars in the unending sky, numerous and bright and beautiful. He then looked to Akira, who wore a heartfelt, big grin on his face. So handsome. Goro felt his heart skip a beat that moment. That was it. He might as well marry that man. No other person could make Goro Akechi feel so weak and malleable like play-dough. He thought he might melt on the spot.

“What do you think?” Akira asked. “You don’t see stars like this in the city.”

“Thank you for showing me this. The sky is breathtaking.” Goro said, in a rare sincere tone. Not the false facade he puts up as the detective prince. No. The real deal. 

And then, easy words slid from Akira’s mouth like soap. There’s no traction. Nothing. The words just slide on out. 

“You’re breathtaking.” 

Akechi smiled, rolling his eyes, moving his hand to caress the side of Akira’s face.

“I actually hate how well that line worked on me.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Detective. You love that line. You love it so much, you might as well marry it.” Akira taunted.

“I might as well marry you.” Akechi admitted, closing the gap between the two.

Akira pushed him away, chuckling nervously. “Wait! You can’t just spring that on a guy. That’s...wow.” Akira gazed down at his feet, face beat red. His demeanor completely changed. No longer confident and smug. He was burning from the inside out, his skin tingling.

“My apologies.” Akechi whispered. “That was a little fast, wasn’t it?”

Akira just nods, his face boiling like crazy. Marry Akechi?! Marry Akechi!! Make a vow to spend a life with and cherish this one man for the rest of their lives!? That’s frightening! That’s exciting! That’s insane. 

Akechi kisses Akira out of his trance. 

“How do you feel about it?” He asked.

“I’d have to think about it more. It’s kinda scary.” Akira revealed. “The pressure. I mean. I don’t know yet.”

“That’s fine.” Akechi kissed him again. “If we’re here to admire the view and each other, let’s do that right now. And I’ve got a lot of admiring to do right now.” He hummed, kissing Akira's throat, and tugging his shirt up. Well, that escalated pretty quickly. Huh? Akira throws his head back, trying to look at the stars while he takes in the sensation of Akechi leaving neck kisses all over.

“There’s a lot of clouds coming in. They’re blocking the stars.” He noted.

“Then admire this view.” Akechi backed away, throwing off his shirt.

* * *

“We first found Akechi-Kun in an alley. I was with Ann-Chan when it happened. We thought he was dead.” Haru said somberly, the flames of the pit dancing in a way that lit and shadowed her face dramatically.

“It was a few months after you left, Sumi. Leader was long gone by then, and Akechi was so cold. We had to carry his body to the doctor who used to help us when we were the phantom thieves. Takemi-San.” Ann explained.

“She said she couldn’t pinpoint one wrong thing with him physically, though, she told us to keep an eye on him. We got Ryuji to help carry him back to my house.” Haru explained.

“Dude was pretty light.” Ryuji said.

“Wait, Haru-Chan? You took him to your house? I thought out of everyone, you’d be the least receptive to him coming back.” Sumire admitted.

“I was. I was actually very upset. I hate to admit this, but a part of me was glad he was dead after what he did to my father. But, my house was the biggest out of all of us, so it would be easiest for us to hide him there.” Haru pet behind Bean’s ears.

“Why didn’t you guys hide him in the attic where Leader and I used to sleep?” Morgana asked.

“Oh right, you weren’t around for that either, Mona.” Makoto replied. “We didn’t want to bother Boss with it. He was still pretty upset Akira was gone, and we were afraid he might not be too receptive to Akechi either.” 

“Sojiro’s cool with it, though. Now at least.” Futaba asserted. “I was there in Haru’s house when he first woke up. Akechi was pretty scared and he yelled at us. I think he was just really confused.” 

“I would be as well if I were in his predicament. I cannot imagine living with the knowledge that saving the world would enact my own demise. Akechi expected to die, yet he awoke alive. It is tragic to consider he never envisioned a reality where he would be able to live on.” Yusuke went on.

Sumire looked down at her feet sadly, the warm engulf of the fire seeming to dim a bit. “I never even thought of that. He must’ve been really sad before we took down Maruki.”

“But, he wasn’t dead. He was alive!” Ryuji exclaimed.

“Yeah. I was there when he woke up too. We explained that we had found him, and he tried to up and leave, saying he didn’t need us anymore.” Ann explained. “But when he got out of bed, he fell. It was like it was difficult for him to walk, so he tried to crawl away, but Haru stopped him. And they got into a huge shouting match.”

Haru snickered to herself. “Oh Ann! That’s embarrassing. I didn’t know what came over me that day. I was grateful he didn’t die, but I was angry he wasn’t thanking us for looking over him. I ended up convincing him to stay in my house at least until he’d be able to walk again. He was bedridden for weeks, but he managed to relearn how to walk soon enough. I thought he was going to leave then, but he didn’t. And when I asked why, he said he had nowhere else to go.” 

“So he was living with you?” Sumire asked.

“He was. He didn’t speak much to me, but sometimes the others would come over to check on him too. He seemed surprised we all cared, but we did. Sometimes, I’m surprised I cared too.”

“Hey, I think it’s a waste of time to hold a grudge like that. I held a grudge against myself for something that wasn’t even real. I think, even if he didn’t deserve it, Akechi just needed a friend.” Futaba said, kindly.

“I think over time he came to like us though, he seemed less and less sour as time went on.” Ryuji added.

“Eventually, we told Boss about him, and Akechi went to live in the attic after all.” Makoto said. 

“Ahh, I remember when Joker and I came back to Tokyo. I thought someone had moved the stuff around.” Morgana mentioned, slyly.

“Oh, and when Akira came back? That’s when they started dating, right?” Sumire inquired.

“Well, yeah, but it didn’t happen overnight. We considered telling him sooner, but the time never felt right.” Ann muttered, sheepishly.

“Yeah, so you told us over text on the train way there. Akira was a nervous wreck on that train.” Morgana scolded.

“I know, Morgana. That was our mistake, but Akechi didn’t want him to know either. It was like he was afraid.” Makoto explained.

“I never knew that.” Morgana admitted.

“Yeah, he was really nervous. He went back to my house when he found out Akira was returning, and he locked himself in the closet.” Haru recalled. “Ann and I had to coax him out of there.”

“It was one of the most exhausting things I’ve ever done.” The model recalled. “It is so hard to get Akechi to do what you want when he thinks it’s a bad idea.”

“I agreed to let him stay again, but on the condition he would face Akira again. I thought he owed him an apology at least.” Haru explained.

“And remember the first thing he did when he saw Akira?” Ryuji asked as he struggled to hold in a laugh.

“He ran.” Everyone said all at once.

Little sprinkles of raindrops began to fall onto the earth from the heavens. It was sprinkling. Gently sprinkling, but no doubt it would pick up soon.

“Hey!? I was right! It’s totally raining.” Futaba mentioned, throwing her arms over her head.

“It would be better for us all to retreat inside, then. Lest we all get wet.” Yusuke said, standing up.

“I second that. I hate getting wet.” Morgana cried, running towards Haru’s tent.

“Good thinking Mona-Chan. My tent should be big enough for all of us to continue the story in.” Haru proclaimed, scoping Bean up into her hands.

“Come on, Sumire!” Makoto called, looking back towards her, who nodded in approval.

“Wait, Akira and Akechi! They’re both still out there! They’ll get wet.” Ryuji looked back, worriedly.

“They’ll be fine, Ryuji. I’m sure they’ll be back soon enough.” Ann just said. “A little rain never bothered Joker and Crow.”

* * *

As Goro sunk his naked body down, penetrating himself on Akira’s hardened cock, he let out an obscene cry of pleasure, the feeling of his lover inside him sinking in fully. “Ahh.” A sigh.

“You’ll attract the wolves.” Akira quipped from below him. 

“Don’t think about that. Just think about me.” Akechi pulled Akira up into a searing kiss, before he began moving up and down on his dick, rolling his hips with a sense of pride and debauched wanting. A longing. A needing. A state of being.

“Oh! Oh!” Akira let out, entranced by the work Goro put into making him sing, his erection feeling snug and tight in all the right away. “Mmm yeah! Goro! Goro!”

“That’s right! You say my name!” Goro cried out, shutting his eyes with his mouth parted slightly, the feel of Akira in him just taking him over. They were fully connected now. They were making love in the great outdoors. Like animals, which they technically are. And all that teasing and mishaps and mistakes didn't exist in that moment. For now, it was just the two of them. Together.

And then it started raining.

“Futaba was Agghh!” Akira screamed as Akechi slammed himself down on his dick.

“Don’t say her name right now. A little rain is nothing.”

Akira chuckled smoothly. “You’re right. You’re already very wet.” He took his hand, wrapping it around Goro’s dick, and he began stroking it in time with his thrusts. 

“Ooh yeah! You better not stop that!” Goro exclaimed in the warm horny excitement of stimulus.

“Don’t plan to. Let’s get dirty then, shall we?” Akira began thrusting his hips up in rhyme with Akechi’s movements, still jerking him off with his hand. 

The overwhelming, electrifying sensation was flowing all over their bodies now. They could be struck by lightning that moment, and it wouldn’t feel more than what they both felt right now. An static connection. They could never part. Not when they’ve gone this far. There was no coming out of it.

“Akira!”

“Goro!”

They both came. The mess was of little discomfort, neither was the rain, now pouring down hard, soaking them thoroughly. Every strand of hair. Every spot of skin. Even down to the soul. It was all wet. All so wet. 

Goro hauled Akira up, meeting his gaze, intimately. And then they made out intimately, Akira caressing Goro’s rain soaked hair. They were both just so wet.

* * *

“It took me awhile to convince Akechi to face Akira.” Ann said to Sumire, the rain outside pouring down hard. “But when we finally did, you won’t guess what happened.”

“What happened?” Sumi asked, attention fully on the story.

“Akira ran away!” Futaba exclaimed.

“What? Why?” Sumi asked again.

“He was freaking out out of his mind.” Morgana explained. “He was so relieved Akechi was back. He took it so hard when he died the first time. Then the second time. I was there for all of it. But he was also angry. He spent a lot of time mourning Akechi. And he still felt there was a lot of wrong Akechi had done. Akira was just so conflicted. He- uh, he told me a lot.”

“Then what happened!?” Sumire inquired, on the edge of her seat.

“Ryuji and Ann and I had a long talk with him. He opened up a lot about the way he was feeling.” Morgana admitted. 

“I felt kinda bad. He was always there for us, and that was the first time we had been there for him. It was long overdue.” Ann said, somberly.

“It happened in the attic. And when he stepped downstairs, Akechi was there with Sojiro and me. And they just stopped and stared at each other.” Futaba said. “And then they started arguing. Sojiro has to kick them out because they were scaring the customers.”

“Oh my god.” Sumire mumbled.

“And from there, they were inseparable. I was like ‘Cool, guys being friends.’ It was cool, they were close again, and Akechi really vibes with Leader.” Futaba paused for a moment. “Then Makoto walked in on Akechi with his hand down Akira’s pants.”

“There are some things you can never unsee.” Makoto shivered, the shameless look shifting to full shame still ingrained painfully in her memory.

“So they’re dating. And we’re all very supportive of it.” Haru admits.

“I know. I am kinda weird about it. Maybe because I used to have a crush on Akira back in the day.” Sumire embarrassingly admits. 

“Oh, all of us did too. If I had to pick a guy, I’d pick Akira.” Ann admitted. 

“I’ll admit, I did feel something.” Makoto sighed.

“He is very cute.” Haru giggled.

“A beautiful man to behold!” Yusuke added.

“I didn’t.” Futaba pouted. “But I appreciate a good head pat.”

“Speaking off, it’s pouring hard, and they’re still not back. I’m gonna go get them.” Ryuji said, standing up to get out of the tent. The hard pour of rain hitting the tarp like an avalanche, the sound of rain overwhelming. 

“There’s no need, it looks like they’re coming back right now.” Sumire tugged on his arm, pointing outside at Akechi and Akira walking back towards the tent, thoroughly soaked and clothed, yet smiling at one another in a warm way.

“How can anyone stand to be so drenched?!” Morgana wailed.

* * *

Later during the trip, the gang all went to that famous pizza place.

“I see, so you are allowed to make your own individual small pizza? I shall create a masterpiece of a pizza!” Yusuke proclaimed, as he gazed at the buffet bar of toppings. The cook at the other side looked exasperated.

“I think you mean, a master-pizza.” Akira put a hand on Yusuke’s shoulder, joking with the grin of a shit eater.

“Akira! You are a genius!” Yusuke complimented.

“I’m going to murder both of you.” Futaba grumbled, pained by their dumb stupid pizza vibes.

“Wow, they let you choose between pepperoni, anchovies, chile peppers, mushrooms, sausage, chicken, bacon, jalapeno, oh my, the choices are endless!” Ann put a hand to her mouth. “How will I ever decide?”

“Such is the nature of choice. You give too many options, and you never know the right one.” Makoto said sadly.

“I’ll have a pizza with pineapple.” Akechi announced to the cook, who was relieved to finally be given an order.

“You’re disgusting.” Ryuji insulted.

“Actually, I think pineapple on pizza isn’t that bad.” Sumire said, smiling at Akechi. “Maybe I’ll order that for my pizza too.”

Akechi smiled back, sincere. And Sumire hoped she wasn’t about to regret eating pineapple on her pizza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sumi eats the Hawaiian pizza and promptly explodes when the pineapple touches her mouth.


	10. Wouldn't It Be Nice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You already know ;)

In the dead of the night, cicadas buzzed their well known song, lulling heart rates to be at peace. A cool breeze filled the bedroom, the moonlight visible from the window, dimly illuminating the place. Goro rested soundly in Akira’s arms that night, content after having been made love to.

“You asleep, Akira?” He murmured, voice dryly hoarse from all the prior wanton moaning.

“Yeah. What’s wrong?” His partner hummed gently.

“I was just thinking. Remember what I said when we went camping with the others?”

“You said that Ryuji and I were too stupid to light a fire?”

“No. When we were on the trail to go stargazing, and you said I should marry your dumb pickup lines, and I told you I should marry you.”

“Oh yeah. I remember that.”

“Have you thought about what I said?”

“I did. I just...why would you want to get married?”

“I can’t imagine myself with anyone other than you for the rest of my life, Akira. You challenge me. You made so many difficult sacrifices on my behalf. You are an excellent cook, and good in bed. I love you, Akira. Our marriage seems inevitable.” Goro took the other’s hand in his.

Akira felt his face burn beet red.

“Wow, I- you’re actually not snarking at me. Are you okay?”

“Don’t make fun of me now. It’s difficult enough for me to even say this.”

“I know. I’m sorry, it’s just- I never thought of myself like that.” Akira admitted, averting his gaze. “You always criticize me sometimes. It’s just my dumb anxieties but I always thought it was because you thought I was an imbecile.”

“Akira, you are far from stupid, otherwise I’d want nothing to do with you long term. You were the leader of the phantom thieves, and you managed to steer clear of suspicion for several months while balancing a high school career. If I criticize you, it’s because I mean to challenge you to be the best version of yourself. I expect as much from my rival, though I will admit I can be harsh at times, but I consider you my equal.”

“Yeah, I always thought it was because you didn’t really have good role models. I don’t blame you for it. It’s my own mind working against me.”

“What are your ideas about marriage, Akira?” Goro asked.

“I think it’s a scary thing. I already told you both my parents were never really all that loving towards me or each other. To me, it felt like they were only married because they got together young and dumb and they were trapped in that arrangement because they both made a promise that’s hard to take back. I know people divorce everyday, but they were so stubborn, trying to fix a promise beyond repair. They weren’t in love. It was like a regimented form of love. That just frightens me.”

“We’re not like them. I love you. Madly even. The way I feel about you is a way I’ve never felt about anyone. Marriage is supposed to be a vow to be by your lover’s side no matter what, and I doubt anything can happen to change my mind that I want to spend my life with you, Akira.”

“That’s so sweet of you, Goro, but why even make a promise? If we’re together, that’s enough isn’t it?” Akira asks. “Love should be free and without restriction and restraint, otherwise it feels forced. I don’t need you to vow to be by my side no matter what. I don’t doubt you. I mean, I have doubts, but they’re just unwarranted fears. Anxieties. But in my heart, I know you’ll always love me, even if we’re apart. Even if we’re not together. Love is eternal.”

“Akira, I know but think of the tax benefits.”

Akira started laughing, wiping a tear from his eye. “Well, that takes the edge off.”

“So you’re opposed to getting married?”

“No. I’m open to it. I’m just afraid.”

“That’s fair.”

“Why are you more open to the idea?”

“Like I said, it just seems inevitable, and anyways, I don’t want you to leave. My mother was never married, but I can’t help but think if she had been, to an honest good man, she would’ve been happy, and her life would have been easier. Everyday, I went to school and saw my classmates with their two parents. I was jealous. I wish I had a real father. I wish my mother had a real husband. He would’ve stayed with her, unlike my actual father who never even batted an eye at her.”

“I’ll stay with you, Goro. Are you afraid I’ll leave?”

“Somewhat. It’s an unwarranted fear. For you, it’s easy to build bridges. For me, it never was.”

“But you have. You have a lot of bridges. There’s a lot of people who love you.”

“But none of them excite me like you do, and I’m sure you’ll always be exciting me for many years to come. Let’s get married, Akira.”

“I’ll have to think about it more.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

The night continued on, cicadas chirping. In the night, Goro and Akira fell soundly asleep.

* * *

It was Akira’s turn to vacuum upstairs today. The electricity powered vacuum didn’t have a long battery life, so it often took him a couple segments of on again, off again cleaning to do the whole house. It was a necessary work, though. The floor was bound to need a zoom and a swipe from all the dirt, dust, lint, and Mona hair all over the place.

So, Akira’s head will filled with the dry VROOM of the vacuum, sucking up all the little bits and pits of dirty away to leave the floor spick and span.

And as he ran the vacuum, his thoughts ran as well.

Goro wanted them to get married. It wasn’t too long ago gay marriage had been legalized in Japan. Thanks Yoshida. A few years earlier, it wouldn’t have been possible, but luckily society was adapting and changing with the times. Thank god.

Akira considers the marriage. The marriage with Goro Akechi. His potential marriage to Goro Akechi. Yes, the marriage of Akira Kurusu and Goro Akechi. Goro Akechi and Akira Kurusu’s wedding. Their union. Their joining. Their coming together. Them.

Who would take whose last name. What sounded better? Goro Kurusu? Akira Akechi? Neither seemed to roll off the tongue correctly. Maybe because he wasn’t used to hearing it? Would one of them get their last name hyphenated? What if they both kept their last names instead?

Well, that was the superficial part wasn’t it? What kind of wedding would they even have? A traditional Japanese one? An American styled fashionable kind? Both? Some other unseen option on the table that Akira couldn’t quite consider? He didn’t know.

Where would they even honeymoon? Akira’s hometown? No. He hated that place. Outside the country? Like where even? Dubai? Paris? Mexico City? Amsterdam? Helsinki? He didn’t have a clue.

And how would they divide their assets? Would they sign a prenup? What would happen? It was all too much to consider. Too much to plan.

Well, that was for him and Akechi to plan. Him and Goro. Akira and Goro. Them. Together. Forever.

Why was he even getting so worked up? It wasn’t like he even accepted the proposal yet. Was he even properly proposed to yet? Did those last two times count for real? What?

A life with Goro forever. No take backsies unless he was down to get a divorce. Wow, he wasn’t even engaged yet and he was considering a divorce. Akira mentally slapped himself.

He should just know, right? If he really wanted to get married, he would know in his heart. There wouldn’t be all this mental scribble scrabble if he didn’t want to get married. Isn’t that how it was supposed to work? Except there’s no rules for how it’s supposed to work. There’s no rules to make a relationship work. At the end, there are spouses that have been together ten years before marriage and don’t work. And there are spouses who are together one month before marriage and work. There is no be all, end all formula, especially not to something as abstract and complicated as love. There is no hocus pocus. This is life. This is living. Marriage is work. You work hard to make your partner happy. To communicate properly. To live together. To be together. That’s life. That’s love.

Akira already had that with Akechi, though. But a promise to spend the rest of their lives?

Should Akira really be so doubtful?

He grumbled as the vacuum battery died.

* * *

The cool breeze of early autumn fills the Tokyo air. It was a cloudy day, calm and unsuspecting when Sumire and Akechi were visiting a cafe for some good hardy brunch.

“So, Sumire, what was traveling to America like?” Akechi had asked, coffee mug in his hand as he looked at the red haired woman.

“It’s been so exciting, Goro, but it was also pretty nerve wracking. It was the first time I ever left Japan, and I was afraid my English would not be strong enough for conversation.” She explained covering her face. “It was fun to see America for the first time. That country is so big and so overwhelming and so different, you know? They can be so loud.”

“I’ve heard.” Akechi just says, taking a sip from his mug, his hand seeming to tremble.

“But the other gymnasts I met were so kind and inviting. And it’s so weird. Americans talk to you just to talk to you. About mundane things, it’s so interesting. And one of the girls there invited me to a thanksgiving feast. I wasn’t family or anything, so I felt I didn’t belong there. But it didn’t matter, I was just welcomed there and they ate a lot. Oh the food portions. You will not believe the food portions!” Sumire’s eyes lit up, remembering all the mega sized meals she had faced.

“I’ve heard a lot about that. Though, I speculated it was just an exaggeration.” Akechi replied.

“It’s not, but that’s enough about my trip. You’ve been alive this entire time, and look at you!” Sumire exclaimed, almost hopping up. “It’s just so great to see you again, y’know?”

“Sumire, I-“ Goro averted his gaze before returning it to her, smiling. “Thank you.”

“I’m just so glad you’re okay. I heard you were while I was away but it’s one thing to hear it and now to see it. To see you. You’re a lot happier than I last remember. I’m so glad for that.”

“Well, you have the others to thank for that. They were around to help me even though I didn’t deserve it.” Akechi admits, a layer of shame in his voice.

“Yeah, they told me what happened. It sounded like you went through a lot, but I’m glad that you’re doing better. I know what it’s like to feel lost like that, but I just can’t stop saying it. I’m just so happy to see you.” She giggled.

Akechi chuckled casually to match her. “Well, I appreciate your sentiments very much. I never thought you cared so much for me.”

“Oh, are you kidding?! You’re my friend! You, me, and Akira in Maruki’s palace? We were one hell of a team, don’t you think!?”

“You’re not wrong.” Akechi sounded smug.

“Just say I’m right! You know for a fact I’m right.”

“You’re right. And besides, I have something I’d like to tell you. It’s about Akira.”

Sumi blinked in confusion. “Oh?”

“I am planning on proposing marriage to him, actually.” Akechi admitted, looking away.

“Oh! Oh my god! That’s amazing! The two of you would be so great together! That’s so amazing! I’m so excited!” Sumire exclaimed, excitement oozing through every word she spoke from her heart. A wedding. A wedding!

Akechi smiled, warmly. “Yes. I just hope he accepts my proposal.”

“Why would he say no? Goro, I’ve seen the two of you. He loves you. There’s no way he would say no.”

* * *

Today, it was Akira’s turn to scrub the toilet. He had it all. The bristle scrubbing brush. A pair of gloves. Bleach. Disinfecting wipes. The works.

And as his ears are filled with the brush of bristols on porcelain, his mind wanders to whether or not he wants to get married to Akechi.

Akira’s parents were never happily married. They stuck together to keep up appearances. That’s all. And they only divorced not long after he was arrested for stopping an assault. Their arguments had just piled up too many, he guessed. Their love for him was always conditional too. Any slip up, and he’d be unwanted. Unneeded. Unloved. And he was, by them at least. Akira knew he didn’t need them, but it still hurt. He had always hoped he would be able to salvage that doomed relationship. After all, the sole reason for his conception was to fix a dying marriage. It was sick that Akira even knew that. And Akira never could fix his parent’s marriage. It was just fruitless. That birthed a nasty habit of needing to fix other people’s problems, disregarding his own.

Bad parents, amiright?

Akira imagines a marriage with Goro Akechi.

Goro Akechi. The supernatural hitman with a dry sense of humor and a mean attitude. He who had lied to his face with his pretty prince facade. He who had planned to shoot him point blank in the head and frame it as a suicide. He who blackmailed him and his closest friends. He who, even after coming back, was grouchy and grumpy and rude. He who could slice shadows with a speed and fervor wholly inhuman. He who lacked much empathy and kind words to speak. He.

That was the old him. Dirt bag. Akechi’s difficult childhood affected who he became, and he had learned and grown since then. Why are you like this? Why are you always afraid, Akira?

Except, isn’t it justified to be a little afraid after all these years? Those unhappy days he spent pining, mourning, bleeding. Those days were real. Those days were his fault. It’s not selfish of you to be a little upset. It’s human. You’re human.

You’re-

You’re pathetic. Akira Kurusu. He who masked up his personality to please others. He who considered himself of little value. How sad. He who lacked much depth beneath his shallow surface. He who only felt valuable when he was of value to others. He. A weakling.

That’s not valid! He screamed at himself, desperate to break through the negative brain-worms. Why would you think like that?! That’s not valid! Akechi had said it himself. Akira had been the leader of the phantom thieves. He put his own life on the line to change the hearts of rotten people so that others wouldn’t fall victim to their distorted desires. Akira was brave, and kind, and intelligent. Never believe otherwise.

And Akechi always challenged him. Akechi had always been there to keep Akira’s mind sharp. To make him feel he was fine just as he was. To make him happy with his handsome face. Oh, Goro Akechi, with the pale chestnut hair and beautiful red eyes. That strong slim body. The silky soft voice. The energy. Oh the energy. The wild yet calm yet challenging energy. He was like the sea. Soothing and also dangerous. Attracting Akira like a moth to a flame. Goro was just so smart and so handsome and so intriguing and so liberating and so amazing. Akira felt himself most open with him. No facade. No falsities. Just Akira Kurusu, bare and vulnerable in a way he’d never be for anybody else in the universe. He could almost imagine strums of a heavenly harp lifting him off the ground.

Their relationship was never perfect. It was challenging, difficult, and a lot of work. But they’ve been putting in all that work to make it happen. To keep love alive. And they cared for each other a lot. A hell of a lot. They’d be together a long time. But marriage?

A life shared between the two of them. Just the two of them. Until death would separate them again, but don’t dwell on that part too much. They’d make the most of things. They’d make a good life. A great life. Fulfilling life. An imperfect life filled with strange mistakes like ass burning lubricant, and fractured dicks, jealousy over fanfiction and other bedroom mishaps. It wouldn’t be perfect. No, it’d never be. But despite all the imperfection, they endured. They endured every challenge and they’d endure many more. That was life. That would be their marriage. Not enduring for the sake of appearances but the sake of each other. Wise and respectful and loving. 

* * *

“Alright, you agree that Featherman R is the best incarnation of any Featherman property known to man?” Futaba asked, standing assuredly as if to assert dominance.

“I will agree, although taste is subjective. However the pacing is really bad through some of the episodes.” Akechi stated, sounding robotic.

“How dare you?”

“It’s my favorite series. I’ve watched it ten times, but the pacing is really bad sometimes. I’m not ashamed to admit it.” Akechi grumbled. “Like Pink Argus’s romantic subplot is so rushed.”

“Ugh. I thought, well yeah. I honestly hated that.” Futaba tapped her chin.

“By the way. Your room is a mess.” Akechi just said.

“I believe there’s a beauty in the disorganization of one’s room. It’s said that those with untidy rooms are much more affectionate and sentimental. It is difficult for them to throw things away.” Yusuke chimed in, sitting on the edge of Futaba’s bed with a pencil and his big old sketchbook.

Akechi rolled his eyes. “You would say something like that.”

“Inari’s right! You just hate to admit it! I would know that better than anyone.” Futaba said, walking over to glance over Yusuke’s shoulder. “Hey!? Is that a portrait of me?!”

“Precisely. I just felt like capturing your visage today.” 

“Well, I like it. It’s really cool.” Futaba beamed. “Thanks Inari.”

Futaba and Yusuke were initially the most welcoming towards Akechi when he came back. They’d be excited about the news, no doubt.

Akechi cleared his throat. “I have something I’d like to say.”

“You have the floor.” Yusuke told him.

“So I have plans to ask Akira to marry me.” Akechi almost mumbled.

“Ooooh! Hold the phone! You! And him! Wooooooooo!” Futaba burst out, hopping like a happy frog.

“This is wonderful news.” Yusuke smiled.

“That means you’re gonna be my brother too!” Futaba bounced up and down like a kangaroo high on caffeine. “I’m gonna have so many brothers! Gotta catch ‘em all!”

* * *

Haru and Makoto had been cold to Akechi when he initially came back, but now he was getting invited to look at Haru’s cat with Makoto, and it was like they were witnessing the birth of Christ.

“So Bean-Chan is a munchkin kitty. That explains the little itty bitty legs.” Haru said. “Even when he grows up, he’ll have these itty bitty legs.”

“And the legs don’t affect his health in any way?” Makoto asked.

“Nope. He’ll be just fine. Come on and pet him!” Haru exclaimed, holding her cat child up to Makoto.

She wasted no time in gently scratching behind the kitten’s ear, who mewled a prepubescent cat meow in response.

“Awww! Look at the whittle baby. Look how cute!” Makoto spoke baby talk.

Meanwhile Akechi just stared. That helpless kitten, beloved by all who glanced at him. He wasn’t quite sure what to think about him just yet. Although, now that he thought about it, the cat reminded him of Akira. Beloved by all, unconditionally.

“Now it’s your turn Akechi!” Haru said sweetly, holding the cat up to him for him to pet, which he did gently, and the cat purred in response, prompting Haru to say “Wow, he likes you!”

“You’ve been so quiet. Something on your mind?” Makoto asked, looking through him.

“Well, yes, but I wouldn’t want to steal the limelight from Bean.”

“Oh, feel free to speak your mind. It’s alright!” Haru reassured, kindly.

“Well, I’ve been planning to make an important decision. It’s been on my head for weeks. I-“ he paused to look at Makoto and Haru, both listening and watching intensely. They’d celebrate it. They’d be so supportive. “I want to ask Akira to marry me.”

He seemed to watch in slow motion as their serious faces shifted into big and happy grins.

“Oh, that’s incredible news!” Haru proclaimed.

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.” Makoto asked.

“But there’s one important thing. If you break Akira’s heart, I’ll sicc Bean on you!” Haru joked, lifting the kitten up to show his little bean paws. 

And Akechi just laughed, mentally making a note to never piss off Haru Okumura.

* * *

Lying on the couch, doing nothing after a hard day’s work, Akira found himself lost in thought.

He had been so afraid to marry Goro Akechi. So on board to marry Goro Akechi. So all over the place, his brain was entirely exhausted. Any day now, Goro was going to propose. Akira could just FEEL it. 

Akira would say yes. He figured that out not too long ago. A yes, and then all the hard parts.

They had already lived together a while, so they already had that down. Maybe it would be the exact same as the two of them being boyfriends. Like when you turn a year older and when people ask, you say you feel the same. Maybe not.

Their relationship had already been a lot of hard work. Since they were young and dumb. Since they were a few years older and still dumb. Being together was working out a lot of difficult things and making it work, and they were definitely in a good place at the moment.

Look at them. Financially well. Good communication. A good sex life, if albeit, terribly unlucky and even cursed sometimes. They’ve overcome it. They’d overcome much more.

Akira is nearly asleep, when it crosses his head and it was okay to be worried all the time. Marriage was scary, because of the pressure that society associates with it. The need for it to be perfect. Joker knew that better than one that society is a bitch.

They weren’t perfect people, Goro and him, and yet Akira could not imagine himself with anyone else. Goro had been right, they were likely going to spend the rest of their days together, and Akira had countered “Why make a vow? Why not just leave it at that?” Content that you’ll always be an item.

For the tax benefits?

Goro had implied it was a symbolic thing. A promise to always be together. Akira had argued isn’t being together promise enough?

And in the end, both arguments are valid in their own ways.

A vow. A promise. An oath. To always put your best foot forward and support your spouse throughout the good and the bad.

They would’ve gone from enemies to friends to rivals to enemies to frenemies to apart to rivals to boyfriends to fiancés to husbands. And wow, what a journey. And isn’t that wild? And isn’t that exhausting? And isn’t that fun?

The two of them had always been opposites yet the same. Drawn to each other. Pulled apart. And now, here they were, a proposal coming any day now.

Akira smiled to himself. Goro was going to propose any day now, and Akira knew he would say yes, was that really it? Was that the end of it all? A happy little ribbon on that gift box, tied up all pretty?

Akira smirked. No. He knew that wasn’t the end.

* * *

Ryuji, Ann, and Morgana had been the first phantom thieves alongside Akira. They all worked together to bring Kamoshida’s heinous crimes to light to ensure that kind of abuse would ever again be endured by a student at Shujin. The Phantom Thieves came a long way since then.

Them three were Akira’s for real friends. They knew him best, and they loved him to the end. And Goro has just told them he planned to marry Akira.

The hullabaloo that broke out was unfathomable.

“Oh my god! You guys are gonna get MARRIED?!” Ann practically shrieked.

“That’s amazing!” Ryuji shouted.

“I’m so happy! I’m actually crying but I have no hands to dry my tears!” Morgana wept.

Ann withdrew her handkerchief to wipe his little eyes.

“Yes. We’ve both spoken about it. Akira sounded afraid, but I’m sure he’s done some serious thinking and is going to say yes. Well, I hope.” Akechi admitted.

“Of course he's gonna say yes, he’s been obsessed with you since the day we all met you.” Ann proclaimed.

“Oh man. This news is enough to make me cry! I’m tearing up.” Ryuji sobbed.

“Oh Ryuji!” Ann smiled, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye too.

“D-Don’t break down, you big baby!” Morgana scolded, still crying himself.

“You both are impossible.” Ann and Goro said in tandem.

“This is the happiest thing ever. I’ll get all dressed up for the wedding. I’ll wear a tux and be your flower cat if you want. I’m just so happy!” Morgana kept crying.

Ryuji, still ugly sobbing himself, picked the cat up and hugged him, and they both cried together.

* * *

The night Goro planned to propose, he entered the house with a simple “I’m home.”

The house should have been empty except for Akira. He was home alone all day. Goro planned to take him to the Jazz Jin club. It was where they had grown so close so fast, the perfect place to propose. He’d be subtle, ease Akira into it. Surprise him. And Akira? He’d never forget it.

Oh Akira, with the unassuming facade, appearing so innocent and so normal. But he was so much more. He was sly, and cunning, and Goro hated to admit it, but like a thief in the night, he stole Goro’s heart.

“Akira?” He steps into the kitchen, where Akira is sitting in the dark, his face dramatically illuminated by a single candle. And on the table where he sat stood an intimidating stack of plain pancakes. Goro licked his lips.

“Honey! You’re home.” Akira exclaimed

“Is this all for me?” Goro asked as he stepped forward, already knowing the answer.

“No. It’s for the neighbors. They really like pancakes.”

“You’re so insufferable.” Akechi complained as he took a seat. With the knife and fork on the table, he began to dig in. The pancakes were subtly sweet, in a way that could easily go unnoticed. No toppings, so many may overlook them, but they were SO good. Not a lot of people can appreciate plain pancakes without having to grab something like butter or jam or whip cream, but Akechi couldn’t get enough of them!

“These are good.” Akechi spoke, mouth full of pancake. “You’re not gonna have any?”

“No. I’d hate to swallow something I’m not supposed to on accident.” Akira replied, smug.

Akechi’s face contorted in fear. He hadn’t felt anything hard in his mouth yet. He immediately knew what Akira had meant. That sly bastard meant to beat him at his own game! That asshole!

He swallowed. No. No ring in the pancakes. So far anyways. He began to dig through the stack with the fork and knife, barely noticing as Akira pulled out a small box from underneath his seat. Akechi hadn’t noticed before.

“You!” He cried out.

“I did. I’m sorry. It’s just so easy. I beat you to it, huh?” Akira laughed, opening the box to reveal a ring.

“I hate you so much! I was going to propose to you first! I really hate you so much!” Akechi stammered, blushing red like a fire truck. Akira smirked, taking his lover’s hand to slip the ring onto his finger.

“So?”

“Wait! I need to give you yours, and anyways, you already know my answer.” Goro replied, grabbing his own box for Akira. “I can’t believe you ruined my goddamn plans.”

“Yes, and I’m the one you want to spend your life with. Are you completely sure about that?” Akira asked, and Goro held up his hand to put the ring onto his ring finger.

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.” Goro admitted, pulling Akira into a full on kiss.

* * *

“First one to cum is a rotten egg!” Akira exclaimed with a shit eating grin, on his hands and knees, hovering over Akechi, with his hands on the other’s penis.

“I hate you.” Akechi grumbled, firmly grasping Akira’s dick which hung over his face.

A 69? Haha. Nice!

And there they went, competitively trying to outdo the other. Akira gave little kitten licks to Goro’s dick at first, while the latter full on took in the former’s into his mouth with little build up. Akira let out a sigh of relief, then he looked back at Goro in annoyance, already going at it and sucking his cock like there was no tomorrow. His mouth felt so warm. Ahh.

That wasn’t going to do. Akira pouted, nuzzling the head of Akechi’s dick before taking it onto his mouth. Akechi nearly choked behind him. How was he going to follow that up? Suddenly, Akechi did a funny thing with his tongue, causing Akira to break off to let out an obscene moan. Oh dear.

Exasperated, Akira decided to go at it, sickeningly sweet. Akechi hates that a lot. Akira suckled gently, slowly massaging one of Akechi’s balls, managing to keep himself up right in the plank position with his one elbow. He breathed through his nose, desperate to throw Akechi off his game before he came.

And OH! He must be close with how the other is shameless in how he takes Akira’s dick full force, bobbing his head up and down the thing like time was an illusion. An unfair advantage from being on his back, maybe? Akira shut that down, thinking it might be harder to take a dick in your mouth from above. Well fuck, he didn’t care. All that mattered was not blowing his load too soon. Akira hoped he was throwing Akechi off just as much. He needed to get him off. Was he feeling just as stimulated? There was no time to worry about that now. All that mattered was outdoing Goro.

So Akira licks, and he sucks, and he nuzzles it, familiar with the inoffensive flavor of Goro Akechi’s pulsing warm member. But in his belly, Akira feels something rumbling and hot with every bob of Akechi’s head as he deepthroats him.

It’s no use. And then. The dam erupts all over his fiancé’s face.

“God damn it! I hate you.” Akira screamed at Akechi’s dick, upset he lost the game he himself started.

Goro rested with his eyes shut, his face painted, but he smirked because he had won.

Akira frowns, and begins jerking Goro off, the other more open about being loud this time. He may be a sore loser but the other would be just plain sore. And Akira jerks him off until Goro comes in his hand. That’s it. Akira sighs. 

He hands Goro a tissue to wipe his face.

“You’re the rotten egg, Akira.” Goro teases, smirking like a winner.

“Yeah. You suck dick better than me. Congratulations.” Akira reluctantly admits as Goro tosses the tissue away. Akira stands up to leave. Goro reaches for his arm, stopping him.

“No. We’re not done yet. You ruined my proposal.”

“You left yourself right open for that. Excuse me for taking the opportunity-“

Goro shoves Akira underneath him.

“I was going to be so romantic you were going to cry.”

“Boo hoo. Cry me a river. You can never take that back.”

“I know, and I hate you so much.” Goro said, kissing Akira with a rough fervor as he gently prods into Akira’s hole with his fingers.

“Ahhh” the wildcard moans.

“There we are.” Goro teases, opening him up little by little until he feels it’s enough. And then he takes his dick and does the thing. The sex. Going even and steady the whole time, making sure Akira feels every little detail, every swipe to a tee. And when the ordeal is over and the both reach their second orgasms, they lie together, panting in one another’s arms.

“I love you.” Akira said, breathlessly.

“I know.” Goro pressed a kiss to his collarbone. “I love you more.”

“No. We’re not competing on this front. I’m going to bed.” Akira complained, turning over.

“Y’know, I've never felt this strongly for anybody before. It feels like my heart is gonna burst when I’m with you. I mean it.” Goro said.

Akira rolls back over, looking at Goro. “Yeah. I had the hunch. You always make me feel special.”

“You are special. You are the most special person, and I always thought I was jealous of that and maybe I am, but I love that about you. The way you radiate like the sun.”

Akira smiled. “Thanks.”

“There’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with. Even if you did fracture my penis once. And use menthol lubricant to burn the insides of my anus. And”

Akira face palmed. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“And you ruined mine.”

“You wanted me to. You would’ve been disappointed if I didn’t surprise you like that.”

“You’re right, I would. Come here.” Goro beckoned, holding out his arms for Akira, and the two embraced.

* * *

**The End :D**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who stuck around and read this entire weird ass smut thing I wrote. I really appreciate you all.  
> Tbh, this was the first time I posted consecutive smut like this. It's always been something I've been embarrassed of writing it, but here it is.   
> I just really like writing crack fic, I think it's a lot of fun. SO I made this. It is available for the whole ass internet to see until the sun heat death. F in the chat.  
> But seriously, thanks for reading.


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